LBS: A Pastey White Guy's Perspective

New Blog Address

2008-08-15T11:53:00.003+08:00

Blogger has served me well. It was one of the few blogging sites which the People's Republic of China did not block (at least the publishing side of it... I still had to use some tricks to view my actual blog once it was published). Now that I have left the umbrella of Communist censorship (oh thank you Beijing for protecting me fromall of that dangerous, malicious information that is floating around on the internet), I finally have the chance to switch from Blogger to an easier to use, more customizable blogging site.

Hence forth Pastey White Guy shall reside at: http://pasteywhiteguy.wordpress.com .

It's pretty easy to remember... just replace "blogspot" with "wordpress" and you'll find my new site. I appreciate any comments that people may have about the new look.

I will no longer be posting to blogspot.

Blog Updates

2008-08-11T14:57:00.002+08:00

Well, since I'm moving to London in one week to start the London Business School MBA, I thought I should update by blog. I don't live in Yantai and longer, so the blog description had to be changed. I'm no longer a factory manager, but now a poor MBA student. I'm also toying with the idea of changing from blogger to typepad or some other service. If anyone has any thoughts or opinions, let me know. Since I no longer have to deal with the pain-in-the-butt that is Chinese web censorship, I have a greater range of blog hosting sites I can choose from.

More to come later! For now I'm busy running around visiting friends and family, and doing some last minute shopping before I head back to England. After all, everything is half the price here in the US as it is in the UK!

Writing sample to become an LBS MBA blogger

2008-08-11T14:28:00.001+08:00

I can hardly believe Aug 26th is nearly here. My level of excitement couldn’t be higher, and I feel as if I have been waiting a long time for the LBS MBA to begin. I suppose I have been though…

Shortly after my first visit to London Business School in June of 2006, I decided that LBS was my number one choice for b-school. I knew it the moment I walked onto the campus. When I walked into the reception area and asked the woman at the help desk where the admissions office was for the weekly open house, she replied, “Oh, you’re considering LBS? You should definitely apply here! Coming here was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and I couldn’t be happier!” The shear enthusiasm that she and the other students I met that day had for the school sold me instantly. Every person I spoke to was incredibly friendly and helpful; not the stereotype ‘cutt-throat’ personality types that some other schools are known for having. That, combined with London Business School's reputation for excellence in the fields of entrepreneurship and finance (both, fields I am considering), caused me to scrap my other MBA applications and focus all of my efforts on one school. LBS matched my personality and career goals perfectly.

It was a tough road. I applied in December of 2006. After the alumni interview, I was placed on the wait-list for what would turn out to be a very long wait. As the beginning of classes got closer and closer, I finally informed the adcoms that I would be unable to accept a spot in the 2009 class with such short notice. They thanked me for my honesty and said I would be considered for a deferred admission to the class of 2010. One month later, I got the good news; I would be attending LBS beginning in Aug, 2008!

In between packing up my life in China to move halfway around the world, applying for student loans and scholarships, and flying to London to open a UK bank account and find a flat, I’ve gotten to know many of my future classmates through both the school’s Portal and the Facebook group that I created for the class. I have only met a few of my classmates in person so far and already the high level of accomplishment that these people have achieved in their lives floors me. I know I will be surrounded by some of the most interesting, dynamic people I have ever met, and Aug 26th cannot come quickly enough. I’ve only been waiting for 20 months!!

Still alive, I swear...

2008-07-13T22:57:00.003+08:00

I know I haven't posted anything in something like 6 months. Mainly I lost interest, and then when I did pick up interest in posting again (sometime around April), I was suddenly way to busy trying to organize my life and figure out how to move all of my possessions to London.

Currently I'm sitting in an internet cafe in Bali, Indonesia. About one month ago, I left China amid a floury of goodbyes. I can still hardly believe that I don't live in China anymore... Yantai was my home for 3 years.

I've had lots of adventures since I last posted. I suppose I have a bit of catch up to do. I also clearly need to update the blog description. For those of you who don't already know, I have left China because I will be starting a two year MBA program at the London Business School at the end of August. I would very much like to become an "MBA-blogger" to help some of the people currently applying... so I guess one of my upcoming posts had better be something about the process in general. There is already plenty available on the net about applying to LBS, but I think I can offer some insights for people stuck on the wait list... after all, I was stuck on it for the better part of 7 months.

In March I spent nearly two weeks partying in Malaysia and Thailand with my good friend Mattei.

This past month I've been traveling across the Nusa Tenggara islands in Indonesia. It is by far the best trip I have taken yet, and I wish I had more than merely one month to explore this interesting country. I have some great photos to post from this trip as well.

I suppose another main reason I have not been posting is that I started this blog in order to keep in touch with my friends and family back home... but with the advent of facebook, I no longer need the blog as a way to keep my friends updated with my life.

Anyway, rest assured, within the next few weeks there will be a torrent of new posts from me, discussing both the old (the past 6 months) and the new (my upcoming move to London and the start of the MBA).

Stay tuned...

I love these things!

2008-02-07T03:36:00.000+08:00

I love Rube Goldberg machines... and this is one of the coolest one's I've seen to date!! Again, if you're in China and can't view this, click here.

The really cool part is that it an innovative advertisement for this manufacturing design consultancy in the UK Baynham & Tyers. Great message to potential clients; "If we're this innovative in our advertising and brand image, think of the innovation we can bring to your manufacturing design!"

Holy WWIII, Batman!!

2008-02-06T19:19:00.000+08:00

Ok, I suppose it is more than likely that WWIII will go off with one big boom, rather than hundreds of thousand of small-arms cracks, but today sounded like what I imagine a world war to sound like.

Though I have been in 中国 for 2.5 years, this is my first 过年. I've always heard that the 中国人 go a little bit crazy for their fireworks... but I could never have believed how much until tonight.

This morning I was picked up by my friend and co-worker Da Ge. He's 6'4"... he plays basketball for the company.

I was taken to his Aunt and Uncle's house where we had a nice lunch of silk worm larvae, pork, green beans, sea cucumber, pig tongue, and chicken.

After a while we migrated by car over to Da Ge's grandfather's house. His Grandfather is a fascinating man of 81 years old. He joined the PLC army in 1945 and fought against the Japanese. The man very much reminds me of my 94 year old Grandfather in England... I think that years and years in the army leaves an indelible impression regardless of which country's army you served in.

We started the meal out with Maotai baijiu, and thankfully only got through one glass. Because I had had dinner with this family once a few months ago, I was not so much of a tourist exhibit, which meant I was not obliged to drink so much as I normally would be at a Chinese dinner.

After moving on to beer, the fireworks and firecrackers started. Now, as I've mentioned at the beginning of this post, I never expected just how many fireworks there would be in the air at any one moment in time. And please remember... the Chinese don't use "firecrackers" like we do in the US. Some of the explosives that were going off could not be described as anything less than "dynamite". There were a few explosions that were strong enough, you could actually feel them try to push you over. I swear to you, there was one that went off near me that I could visibly see the shock-wave spreading outwards. It felt like someone hit you in the chest with a go-kart.

Attached to this post are photos of the dinner. I've also tried to attach some videos of fireworks... listen to them and imagine that sound going straight for... well, its been for about 3 hours straight now. From what people tell me, its going to be like this the entire night long and I should not expect to get any sleep.

P.S. There are some photos of me trying to make jiaozi (dumplings). Apparently I suck at making them.

Oh, and one thing I learned that I didn't know was that Chinese burn paper on Chinese New Year's Eve to remember their dead ancestors. There is a picture of this happening a few photos down!

Yes, we can!!

2008-02-05T01:16:00.000+08:00

Barack Obama is truly an inspiration.

Go out and vote in your State's primaries... for Obama... for change... for that chance to bring our country back to the image and respect in this world that it deserves, for a chance to fix all of the damage that has been done during these past 8 years.

If you're in China and you can't see the above youtube video, go to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHA_ZTvOgUM

or

http://www.dipdive.com

I get to vote in the primaries!!

2008-02-04T19:13:00.001+08:00

I'm pretty excited. I've been researching how to get an absentee ballot for the general election in November, and I've registered to do so. I just have to print out some paperwork and send it back to the US.

I didn't however think I'd be able to vote in the primaries. Well, through http://www.democratsabroadprimary.org, I was able to sign up to vote in the Global Presidential Primary. The voting is actually done online. While I'm still not able to vote in Pennsylvania's democratic primary with such short notice, Democrats Abroad will be sending 22 delegates to the National convention, so at least I am able to have a say.

Obama all the way, baby!!

Harbin and the Ice Festival

2008-02-04T04:58:00.000+08:00

Well, I've been back from Harbin for one week now, but only just getting around to writing about. It is a goal of mine to start writing more regular blog posts in preparation for London... once there I intend to write at least 2 per week.

After oversleeping, I met Nate and Barbara at the Yantai port to board the ferry to Dalian. The mood, as always, was extreme goofiness as you will see by the photos below.

We had originally planned to take the ferry to Dalian and then an overnight train to Harbin. Unfortunately, after we booked the ferry, we found out that the train was completely sold out for the next three days. Consequently, we had to get plane tickets.

Upon arrival in Dalian, we found our way to a Korean restaurant and had noodles for lunch. Dalian was freezing cold, with an ice cold wind whipping at our faces. We took a taxi to the airport, bought some Snyder of Hanover's Jalepeno pretzel bits (I couldn't believe I found these here), coffee, and marzipan cake, and finally boarded the plane to Harbin...

...where we were met by The Spaniard (our friend Marcos) like this:

Thank you, Marcos.

Harbin didn't feel nearly as cold outside as we were expecting -40 degrees below zero to feel, but then the taxi driver told us that this past week they had been having somewhat of a "heatwave". It was only -25 today!

We found our hotel and were pleasantly surprised that despite the exterior of the building and the ridiculously cheap prices we were paying, the rooms were quite nice and the staff quite friendly. We donned our long underwear (see below... first time I've ever worn any before) and ventured out to the train station and found a place to eat. Along the way back, we were amused that Barbara had ice crystals hanging on her eyelashes. There may or may not have been some public urination to see if that too would freeze. It does not. Don't worry, this is China... there is public urination everywhere.

In the morning we got a taxi to the Snow and Ice Festival. BOY WAS I GLAD IT WAS ONLY -25 DEGREES!! Forty below would have been unbearable. We were soooooo cold! But the sculptures were incredible. I honestly had no idea you could do that with snow!

Throughout the day we had to keep stopping in the park's cafes in order to warm our toes-ies on the radiators and try and regain feeling in our fingers. My camera had a particular problem... as soon as we walk in from the cold, condensation would form on the lens, but it would still be cold enough inside to freeze the condensation instantly. I had to keep taking the UV filter off the lens and putting it in my pocket in an attempt to warm it up.

We thankfully found a kiosk at the park selling wool socks... they helped tons.

After dealing with the taxi Mafia (the Harbin taxi drivers were the biggest group of scam/rip-off artists I've ever dealt with in China), we headed back to our hotel to warm up. The Ice Festival section was supposedly much better at night so we decided to warm up a little before tackling it.

Later that night we were treated to amazing sites. While the ice sculptures were not nearly so ornate, they were absolutely HUGE! The ice luge down the Great Wall was particularly exciting! We took a break in a cafe to warm up... and we were treated to a trained animal show with lions, tigers, and bear (bears boxing and riding bicycles), OH MY!

We took a taxi back to our hotel and had dinner in the hotel's restaurant. There was a table of drunk Chinese next to us, and once one of them started puking all over the floor, we decided we simply had to join them, so we offered the whole table a "Ganbei!". Well, it turned out they were the hotel owner and his friends and we ended up getting completely sloshed with them. Lots of fun. Apparently sometime during that drink-fest we agreed to have dinner with them the next night at 7pm.

Friday morning, very hungover, Barbara, Nate, Marcos, and I went in search for the bus station that would take us out to Unit 731, a notorious germ & chemical warfare research center that the Japanese used during the 1930's to conduct horrific experiments on the local population. Well over 300,000 people were killed here (photo is of the incinerator where the bodies were disposed of, sometimes still alive), in experiments as gruesome as:

frostbite experimentation
vivisection (dissection whilst alive and with no anesthetics)
replacement of the blood with horse blood
injection urine into the bloodstream
exposure to bomb blasts at varying distances
etc.

The germs that this laboratory developed were spread to local towns and villages with rats and fleas dropped from airplanes. The Japanese soldiers even distributed anthrax laced candies to the children.

Absolutely horrific and something that should not be forgotten.

Later that night, after the hour bus ride back to the hotel, we met up with our newfound Chinese friends. We expected we were having dinner in the hotel's restaurant again, but they ushered us into cars and drove us to a very nice, very expensive Chinese restaurant where we were treated to an absolute feast and introduced to more of their friends. During the drive to the restaurant, our driver pointed out that the driver's side mirror was all smashed in. Apparently he had driven home the night before from our dinner absolutely hammered and drove into something. He seemed quite proud!

The next morning, The Spandiard left us and Nate, Barbara, and I went searching for Saint Sophia, the old Russian cathedral. We found it, as well as the best snowman ever. Unfortunately, you could still go inside the cathedral, but it had been converted into an architecture museum.

We had lunch at a Muslim restaurant, but were quite disappointed by the food. It was so drenched in oil that we could only stomach a few bites before we left. An interesting thing is that in Harbin, blue lanterns outside a restaurant denote Muslim and hence no pork, while red lanterns signify traditional Chinese fare.

We found one of the main shopping streets in Harbin and spend the rest of the day wandering. We didn't have to be at the train station to go back to Dalian until around 8:30pm, so we had the whole day. We found a Russian bar that was entirely made of ice, including the tables, chairs, and glasses. After stopping in for a while for some ice cold vodka (and to buy some Russian chocolate to take back with us), we ended up having a disappointing dinner at Russian restaurant.

We took the overnight train back to Dalian, which I slept very soundly in. After a quick stop at McDonalds in Dalian in the morning, we found the ferry back to Yantai after first going to the wrong port. This last picture before boarding will give you an idea of how tired we were.

It was an absolutely fantastic trip, one of the best I've had in years. If you get a chance to go to the Harbin Ice Festival, and you think you can bear the extreme cold, by all means go. It is incredibly impressive and you will be very glad you went.

I highly recommend it!

How come...

2008-01-22T21:32:00.000+08:00

How come people never listen to me when it comes to business, even though I always turn out to be right? Let's just hope this is a trend that doesn't continue in b-school... the not listening to me part that is, not the me always being right.

On a side note, I'm going to Harbin tomorrow for the winter Ice Festival. I've never been in -40 degree temperatures before, so I'm trying to pack accordingly (read: I'm preparing to freeze off my bullocks).

Hey, I'm moving to London for 2 years, I'd better start talking like 'em.

Rand McNally would be proud

2008-01-10T18:01:00.000+08:00

To anyone who is even slightly familiar with China, they will know that the Chinese media does not exactly follow what we would call in the West "professional journalism". News reports are often inaccurate or downright biased, facts are rarely checked, and the government's censorship is legendary.

Even given those realities, this following story surprised me greatly and drew quite a chuckle.

I was sitting in the office a few days ago and noticed my staff Zhang Wei was watching CCTV news on his computer. It was a story about the Iraq war. Suddenly, Zhang Wei cracks up laughing... laughing so hard he was almost in tears. When I asked him what it was, he paused the video on the map showing Iraq, Kuwait, and Iran.

He asked me if I recognized the map.

I stared at it for a while and said it did look strange, but I did not recognize it.

He then opens up the popular online game World of Warcraft, a highly popular MMORPG (massive multiplayer online role playing game), and scrolls to the maps section.

CCTV News had taken a map from World of Warcraft, roughly shaped like the Middle East, and written in the names Iraq, Kuwait, and Iran.

The map even still had the cartoon mountains drawn in where Turkey should be.

My Waistline thanks Thee

2008-01-07T21:17:00.000+08:00

Dear Little Shop Near My Owner's House,

I wish to thank you in advance for the increase in circumference that your new offering in your store will cause me. I've not doubt that your new "Rock Taco" and "Nacho Cheesier" Doritos will sell well; I am quite sure that my owner, that silly waiguoren that lives in Dong Fang Hai Yang Hua Yuan, will buy up most of your stock.

I am comforted by the fact that while you are sending your daughter to school with the proceeds from your laowai Dorito sales, I will be giggling up and down as my owner (the silly laowai aforementioned) is running for hours on the gym's treadmill trying to shrink me down in size. I have no doubt that my grumblings will cause the da pangzi to spend a small fortune in your store, on Frito Lay products alone. I am glad a direct result of my grumblings could result in your daughter's further education.

Please consider expanding your line of tasty munchie goods to also include such Western snacks as Pepperoni Pizza Combos, Cowtails, and gallon jugs of Wawa Peach Iced Tea.

Sincerely,
Nick's Waistline

Does anyone else think this is cool?

2008-01-04T10:43:00.000+08:00

Nolan Bushnell, the founder and former CEO of Atari is also the founder and former CEO of Chuck E Cheese's Pizza (anyone from the US will know the glory of Chuck E Cheese to an 8 year-old.)

I don't know... to me that seems like a strange combination. I think its pretty neat. Mr. Bushnell's current venture is uWink, a media based restaurant.

uWink, Inc. has created a new entertainment dining experience that you can't get anywhere else.
Our fun, casual environment makes it easy for people to interact, have fun, play games, and enjoy delicious, reasonably priced meals. It's not a game arcade or pool hall. uWink is an interactive, social restaurant, where you are in control of your meal and your fun.

uWink provides delicious modern comfort food made with fresh ingredients ordered via touch screen terminals at the table and served by runners, quickly and accurately.

uWink's at-the-table-entertainment includes a large variety of games, table-to-table interaction, "edutainment", videos and more. The dynamic projected interior provides diners with scrumptious i-candy and a hip, ever-changing environment.

Check out http://www.uwink.com

Dart in the Head

2008-01-02T18:28:00.000+08:00

On New Year's Eve I went down to Chao Yang Jie (the old bar street) with some friends for some drinks at Raffles Bar. As we walked into the bar, I noticed that directly next to the door was a dart board. I commented in passing that that was a terrible location, and afterwards thought no more about it.

So, my friends start playing darts. After each game they took a step back. Not before long, they were standing at the back of the bar, approximately 15 yards away from the board/door. In order to throw a dart that distance, you need to seriously throw that thing...

So Ryan chucks a dart hard...

... the door opens...

... and the dart hits a Chinese mafia guy right in face. Well, kinda the side of his forehead. But hard enough that it was actually sticking out of his skull and it had to be yanked out pretty hard.

We thought bad stuff was going to happen, considering that this guy had about 10 of his mafia friends with him. Knife fights have started with much, much less in Yantai. Mafia really like to carry machetes. Fortunately for my friend Ryan, he happened to hit one of the younger, lower-ranked mafia guys... it he'd been a senior, he could not have afforded to loose that kind of face and would have retaliated.

Instead the guy was content with a free beer and a few laughs.

Local massage wonders

2007-12-31T02:28:00.000+08:00

Tonight I had dinner with my ex, Louise, but before we had dinner, we decided to go to the Chinese foot massage place near my house. I'd never been there before so I agreed to go.

Let me preface by saying that only in the past few months have I discovered the incredibleness of the massage houses in Yantai. A few months ago, I went with my friends Nate and Barbara to the Huang Hai Korean massage place. There I had a 40 minute long (and very painful) back, neck, and head massage, followed by fire cups.

Fire cups are spherical glass cups that are placed on your back after heating the inside air with fire. The cooling air causes a suction against your skin, holding the cup to your back. At first the sensation is quite uncomfortable... very tight, pinching... but after a few minutes your back goes numb and it feels quite pleasant. I've been told that the idea is that the suction removed the 4 pathogens of Chinese medicine from your body, improving your health. Once the cups are removed the color of the remaining "hicky" can tell you a lot about the problems you have in that particular area. It also makes for a great photo op (note to any attractive women reading this post... I have since lost the love handles displayed in this photo):

Since going that first time, I've been going back each week for the same treatment, although now I know to stay away from a particular women that works there... judging by the amount of pain that women deals out, I think she must hate all men or something. In the US, an hour massage every week may sounds like an extravagance... but in Yantai, the full hour at Huang Hai only costs me 45 RMB (about $5).

So, bring me back to tonight's foot massage.

I'd heard about this place before. Barbara had told me that the staff there have the ability to diagnose problems with your body, simply by feeling your feet. Hard to believe, but after tonight I am a true believer.

As Louise and I were having our foot massages, each of us would indicate pain at various points. The staff would then attempt to explain what part of our bodies that indicated we had a problem in, and each time we were amazed at their accuracy.

One sore spot on Louise's foot indicated a sore throat... she said she had in-fact had a terrible cough and sore throat these past few days.

My massage guy asked me if I had been out drinking the night before. I confirmed this and he said he knew because the spot on my foot that is connected to my liver was tough.

Louise's person told her that she had bad lower back pain, which is true.

At one point I yelled out in pain and my guy told me that I have a severe pain in my knee... since I've been going to the gym and running, my left knee has been in excruciating pain. Just last week I bought very, very expensive shark cartilage tablets (for the glucosamine) to try and ease the pain.

I was stunned... and very impressed. I think I will go back to the foot massage place often. A whole hour of foot massage plus a 10 minute back massage only cost 30 RMB each (about $4).

Merry Christmas!! Here's a distrubing story!

2007-12-24T02:32:00.000+08:00

Well, its been a while since I've put up a real post. I've been up to a lot during this past month or so... I'm not quite sure where to begin.

The only place I can think to start with is a humorous story that my Dad wants me to tell everyone.

Recently my company has been working with a factory about 400 kilometers away from us on a trailer project. The Canadian customer came to visit us a few weeks ago and I took him out to see the factory that would be making his product. We drove the 4 hours into the Chinese sticks and got to Yuli, a small city of 35,000 people where the factory is located.

After a day of touring the factory, working on the project etc. we drove to the nearest hotel... in the next town over called Wulian. It was a brand new hotel... hadn't been open for two weeks yet when we showed up for dinner.

After our Chinese business dinner (hornet larvae and fried cicadas are quite tasty, for your information, as is turtle soup) the Chinese factory wanted to take us to the 4th floor bathhouse and sauna.

I could already see where this was going. Our Canadian customer excused himself due to jet lag and I followed the Chinese to the 4th floor. I was lead into a private deluxe room, complete with heart shaped bed and jacuzzi. Twelve gorgeous Chinese girls were then paraded into the room and lined up for me to choose. I calmly explained to the Chinese manager that I did not require a "special" massage and that a regular massage would be fine.

"Ahh, these girls are too ugly for you! We will bring new ones!"

Dejected, the twelve girls left the room and another twelve were brought in. Again I explained that I did not want a girl nor "special" massage.

"Ahh, ok. Still not beautiful enough for you!"

Another twelve girls...

Finally, after my 3rd round of objections, the Chinese staff got the idea that I really wasn't interested. They shooed the girls away and we all headed to the bath-house.

In the bath-house we all stripped down to nothing and did the typical bath-house stuff... sat in the dry sauna for a while, then the hot tub, and then I was lead by the staff to another room where I was told I would have my back cleaned. Hmm... sounds ok, I thought.

I'm lying naked face down on a massage table, and in walks a Chinese guy in a speedo. Using a scouring pad essentially, he proceeds to ex foliate my entire back, legs, and buttocks. Yes, I said buttocks. A very strange feeling, but felt very cleansing nonetheless.

And then he tell me to turn over...

Nervously, I comply. The man proceeds to scrub the entire front of my body as well. He then puts down the scrub pad thingy, and lathers up some lavender lotion. Says it will make my skin soft... and proceeds to rub (with bare hands mind you) lotion all over my body. Now, I want to clarify in the strongest possible terms... this was nothing risque or inappropriate in any way, shape, or form, but it doesn't change the fact that I had a Chinese man in a Speedo rubbing lotion ALL over my body, occasionally having to move certain parts of my anatomy aside manually to make way.

Feeling quite dirty and now having a better understanding of the world "violated" I get up from the table and take a shower. I look around for the other Chinese staff of the factory and finally find one in the hallway. He says that the Chinese managers are all having "massages" (I don't want to know) and that the top manager has booked another massage for me.

Again, knowing full well what's coming, I'm lead into a private room where there is a completely naked girl lying spread eagle on the bed waiting for me. I turn to the staff to complain, only to find the head of the Chinese company standing in the doorway laughing.

I tell him my objection and he says the funniest thing I have ever heard in my 2.5 years in China so far...

"Don't worry. This hotel has only been open for 1 or 2 weeks. At most she has only had a few customers. She is not dirty yet. Still clean!"

Though the girl doesn't speak English, my objections are easy enough to understand. The girl, insulted that I'd turn her down, starts yelling at me, demanding to know why I don't want to sleep with her. In a huff, she storms out of the room and leaves the room completely naked. I thank the Chinese company very much for their offer, but explain I'd rather have a regular massage.

As the Chinese managers still have at least another hour left of their "massages", I head with one of the other Chinese staff to another room where I'm treated to a scalp massage, back massage, arm massage, and foot massage for more than one hour.

Instead of having the type of ending the Chinese managers likely had, I had a Chinese girl cutting my toenails with a razor blade and scrubbing every last square inch of my toes and feet with a scouring pad.

It was heavenly.

Bruce Willis has nothing on Ben Noyes

2007-11-25T03:05:00.001+08:00

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!

Uncontrollable Laughter

2007-11-25T03:02:00.001+08:00

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!This is the greatest software ever developed...

Paperwork Labyrinth

2007-11-21T00:27:00.000+08:00

It's that time of year again... time to get my Chinese residence permit renewed.

I think today I finally understood the reason for the banality of the Chinese bureaucracy... its designed to keep the citizenry under control by crushing the will to live of anyone who has even more than a brief involvement with it.

You want a driver's license? Provide us with these 12 documents, each one of which involves a wild goose chase/scavenger hunt around Yantai for another 8 supporting documents each.

You want a work permit? Provide us with these 284 documents and your left kidney.

You want your residence permit renewed? Juggle 4 chainsaws while balancing on a beach ball, playing Debussy's Golliwog's Cakewalk on the piano with your left foot, and reciting the entire works of Wordsworth backwards AND IN SWAHILI!!!

Better?

Sichuan food... yummy

2007-11-20T01:41:00.000+08:00

I had dinner tonight with my friend's Dani and Martin. We went to a Sichuan restaurant and had an absolutely delicious meal.

Afterwards, when the bill came Martin asked me how much a pint of beer costs in London. "Three pounds", I said.

Martin started laughing out loud.

Our entire meal: 3 main entrees (mapo tofu, water beef, and shredded potato), 3 bowls of white rice, and 3 large beers had come to LESS THAN A PINT OF BEER COSTS IN LONDON!!

And we were absolutely stuffed.

You know you've been in China too long when...

2007-11-03T20:17:00.000+08:00

I found this list posted on facebook. I edited out about half of them because I thought some were stupid, but the ones left will be familiar to anyone who's been living in China for more than a year or so.

You start enjoying the taste of the "meat flavour beancurd" lays potato chips.

You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb.

You know David Wu is a big headed 'poser'.

You look over people's shoulder to see what they are reading.

You throw your trash out the window of your house, your car or the bus you are on.

You would rather SMS someone than actually meet to talk 'face to face'.

You honk your horn at people because they are in your way as you drive down the sidewalk

You regularly fumble for five minutes to find 10 jiao despite 10 people waiting in line behind you.

Car accidents become a source of heartwarming humour.

When shopping at the supermarket, some laowai stares you down for catching you looking into his basket while you wonder to yourself what laowai's eat.

The idea of seeing how this place will look at Expo 2010 and the Olympics actually appeals to you.

You have a pinky fingernail an inch long

In a meeting you say everything will be 'wonderful' and give no details.

You forget that the other person needs to finish speaking before you can start.

You see one foreign person eating Pineapple (or whatever) and say "Yes, all foreign people like Pineapple

You go shopping to buy gifts for a future business partner, just to 'smooth things along'

When having conversations with your friends you start leaving unnecessary words or letters out of sentances and end up talking like an inbecile

You have learned how to detect someone is in a hurry behind you, and now have the ability to not only walk very slowly but also grow eyes in the back of your head, so when they start to overtake on the right hand side, you automatically cut in and walk very slowly directly in front of them

You watch taxi drivers picking their noses whilst stuck in traffic. Instead of feeling disgusted, you actually admire along with them, the length and breadth of the boogie.

Your eating manners in restaurants are now totally shot. Elbows on tables and spitting food out onto your plate is now seen as being dead classy.

When you sit in the restaurant with your finger up your nose to your elbow and stare at the laowai. Then you pull it out, inspect it, roll it into a ball and casually flick it onto the wall or the closest person's plate.

When you are able to jump the queue because the idiot laowai left 2 centimeters between themself and the person in front of them.

Before asking someone's age, you ask what animal they are.

You start picking at other people's dinner plates before they even offer you a taste.

You don't have to speak to taxi drivers. Every cab in town has taken you home at least once, so they all know where you live.

It seems entirely sensible to take a cab across town for 12 yuan in each direction to buy something that costs 4 yuan, that they sell right outside your house anyway.

You have absolutely no sense of traffic rules.

You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.

You start calling other foreigners Lao Wai.

You think singing Karaoke on Friday nights is fun.

Other foreigners seem foreign to you.

You consider McDonald's a treat.

You ask how much people are making and expect people to answer.

You talk louder than is necessary.

You are the last of your first group of friends still in China.

You prefer using chopsticks.

Chinese fashion starts looking hip.

You no longer notice the hooting on the streets.

You start to enjoy the taste of baijiu.

You go back home for a short visit, get in a car and start giving the driver directions in Chinese.

You have to pause and translate your phone number into English before telling it to someone.

You think no car is complete without a tissue box on the rear shelf and a feather duster in the trunk.

You see some real cleavage and think WOW!

You ask fellow foreigners the all-important question "How long have you been here?" in order to be able to properly categorize them.

When looking out the window, you think "Wow, so many trees!" instead of "Wow, so much concrete!"

Pollution, what pollution?

You wear out your vehicle's horn before its brakes.

You speak Chinese to your foreign friends.

You leave the plastic on all new purchases.

Forks feel funny.

People who haven't seen you for months don't ask where you've been.

You get homesick for Chinese food when away from China.

Metal scaffolding at construction sites seems much more dangerous than bamboo scaffolding.

Pizza just doesn't taste right unless there's corn on it.

It has been at least 18 months since you used the word "tacky" to describe anything.

All meant in good humor... but all also pretty accurate.

Funny conversation

2007-11-02T09:55:00.000+08:00

A conversation on the building's intercom between a 12-year old Chinese girl and her mother:

"But Mama, it is cold and I want to come inside."

"You stay outside for another 20 minutes. The exercise is good for you."

"But, Mama, I'm hungry and I want to eat dinner."

"You are a little fatty (xiao pangzi) and eat too much. Now go and skate around the fountain 10 more times before you can come inside!"

Poor little girl...

Frustration over small things

2007-11-02T09:52:00.000+08:00

It was a simple request... be at my house by 9:30 to take me to the customer's hotel by 10:00am.

It is now 9:55 and I have received no word on when the driver will be here. I cannot call to ask, nor tell the customer I'll be late, because as usual no one in my office paid my monthly phone bill (so it has been cut off) because everyone is too afraid to ask the Chinese partner's approval of the expense.

Awesome jokes

2007-10-27T23:41:00.000+08:00

These jokes were told to me by my friend Nate, who also lives in Yantai. They're awesome and I thought I'd share them with you. If you don't find them funny, it means you haven't lived in China and experienced the craziness that is this wonderful country long enough. Its stupid stuff like these crazy jokes that keep us expats in China sane.

"What's white and stands in the middle of a field?"
"A refrigerator"

"What's white and brown and stands in the middle of a field?"
"A refrigerator wearing a leather jacket."

"Why the the airplane fall out of the sky?"
"Because the pilot was a loaf of bread."

"What's green and fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?"
"A pool table"

"What's yellow and cannot swim?"
"A tractor"

"Why did the boy fall of his bike?"
"Because someone threw a cinder block at him."

Ok, so I know most of these will not be funny to most of you readers out there... but I'm telling you... come and live in Yantai, or really any small/medium sized city in China for at least 6 months and I'm telling you... you'll think they are hilarious after that!!

200th post

2007-10-21T00:01:00.000+08:00

I've been delaying for a while writing this post because I felt that should have something meaningful to say for such a momentous occasion. The problem is that I don't. This post has no special significance simply because its numerical identifier happens to be divisible by 1, 2, 4, 5, 10, 20, 25, 40, 50, and 100. So, since I've gotten that out of the way, I figured I'd just let you know what I've been up to.

During the past week, I've been down in Guangzhou for the 102nd China Export and Commodities Fair, aka The Canton Fair. I've written posts about it the other times I've gone and something don't change each time I come here; A) I never cease to be amazed at the shear size of the fair and the variety of products offered, and B) I hate Guangzhou. It is a dirty, noisy, hot, over-populated city. I can't stand coming here and I always look forward to leaving. I can find no redeeming qualities whatsoever about this horrible place.

Anyway, back to point A above. I didn't have so much time to walk around the fair this time... I only had a chance to check out the new International Pavilion, showcasing various companies from around the world who wish to import to China, and the electronics section. The strange thing about the "International" Pavilion was that no matter where I looked all I saw were Chinese people manning the booths. Whether the sign indicated USA, Turkey, Russia, or Tunisia, the staff members were all Chinese.

"Strange", I thought. Well, I found out the story later and it is a very typically Chinese story. Because the city of Guangzhou is trying to encourage foreign companies to come to this new section of the fair, they have made booths at the International Pavilion cheaper than the booths for the regular Chinese exporting booths. All of the Chinese exhibitors, upon finding this out, rushed of to have one of their foreign customers in another country register the booth for them as to save money. The registered company in many cases never even attended the show, but rather had their Chinese supplier manning "their" booth.

Walking around the electronics section is always the most fun for me, perhaps because electronics always exhibits the most amount of copyright infringement. I walked past and "Indian" company (read the previous paragraph) and saw a perfect copy of the new Apple i-phone. The only difference was that it ran windows instead of the Apple OS, but it still had an emulator to make it look almost identical. They had a real one there next to it and you'd be hard pressed to tell the difference. Pretty impressive considering the thing only came out a few months ago.

Another booth was showing the various mp3 players they make. Now, for as long as I've been in China I've seen attempted copies of the iPod. I've even seen a few that came pretty darned close to the real thing, but they always fell short (or rather made them look different enough that they couldn't get sued). Yesterday however, I saw an absolute perfect copy of the current Apple iPod Shuffle. When I asked about it, the Chinese manufacturer said he would accept no responsibility for any legal claims after it was shipped out of China if I purchased it. He instead guided me towards one of his almost-nearly-but-not-quite iPods, saying perhaps it would be safer for me to import these to my country and avoid the legal hassles.

After the fair last night, I spend an hour or so looking for an Indian restaurant I had seen from a taxi. During my walk I saw something I've never seen before; a young Chinese guy getting arrested by cops. Ok, perhaps not unusual in a large urban setting, but the strange thing was what the cops were doing. They had this kid in handcuffs and a group of police officers were each taking turns having their picture taken with him, the same way you would with Goofy at the Magical Kingdom in Disney World. And of course, since no Asian can have their picture taken without doing it, one hand was holding the 'perp and the other was giving the peace sign. Every single cop (at least 8) all struck the same pose that says, "my native language uses a character system and not an alphabet." I finally found the Indian restaurant and stuffed myself on Lamb Vindaloo... yum.

Well, tomorrow I leave crappy Guangzhou... hopefully never to be back... well, at least as an exhibitor. I could see myself coming back here later in life as a buyer for something or looking for a company to potentially invest in. We'll see.

That's it for now, folks. I hope this post was worthy enough to be the 200th I've written. I realized that since I've lived in China for more than two years, the fact that I've only now written 200 posts show me that I don't write frequently enough, but... ehh. I have better stuff to do with my time like watch whole seasons of the Sopranos in one sitting.

My contact info

2007-10-10T14:47:00.001+08:00

I had a comment today on one of my posts from a friend of mine who's been trying to contact me for a while. So, here's my contact info:

E-mail: Otford15@hotmail.com
Phone: 610-624-3176 (its a Philly number that will go to my computer. Please remember the time difference)
Skype: Otford15

Send me an e-mail, Sarah!! I don't know your contact info either!

I'm seriously not going to miss this job

2007-10-10T14:36:00.000+08:00

Ring, ring...

"Oh, hi, David."
"What's that? The driver will come by at 10am to pick me up?"
"Ok, but make sure he does, because it is very important that I check all of the trailers today before they are loaded into the truck to go to the fair."

At 1 o'clock pm...

"Hi, David. 10 o'clock, huh?"
"What? The driver maybe cannot get me today?"
"Maybe he can't, or he can't,... which one?"
"No, I don't have enough money to take a taxi to work because I haven't even been paid my Chinese salary yet this month!"

One hour later...

"Hi, Eric."
"No, we cannot use the wood panels instead of the steel. That's why I had you make the steel ones today."
"What do you mean the workers didn't follow your design and now the panels are wrong?"
"Why didn't the floor manager have the correct drawings for the side panels?"
"I don't give a $h*t if you and the floor manager are having an argument!! Go down stairs RIGHT NOW and give him the drawings so they can make another two side panels the correct way!!"
"Yes, there is enough time!! DO IT NOW!!!!!!"

Accident (extended from earlier)

2007-10-08T09:07:00.000+08:00

I was just informed that yesterday, one of the workers in our factory (not our workshop, but the one next door operated by our partner) was decapitated when the hook arm of a dumpster-lifting truck came crashing down while he was leaning into the truck to inspect it. The man was 37 years old.

I've never met this worker before, but for some reason this really struck a nerve with me. I don't know if it was the fact that it actually happened, or the relative lack of emotion the other staff here seem to be showing over it.

Chinese culture often discourages strong emotions in order to maintain group dynamic; perhaps this extends to grief/shock as well?

Extended from earlier:

I had dinner tonight with a guy from my factory. He said that in China, when an accident like this occurs, the police aren't called at all. There is no investigation for negligence, foul play, etc. He also told me that the poor man had a wife and kid... the most they get out of this whole thing is 15,000 RMB (approximately $2,000). Everyone at the table agreed that while you cannot put a price on a human life, the sum of money offered to the family was drastically too small. The really screwed up thing is... I was in the factory the day that is happened, approximately 1 hour afterwards. I had not idea anything had occurred, and the entire factory was running like normal. What did they do to appease the factory workers for the loss of their friend, and apparent failure of safety procedures? They sent everyone in the workshop to a free session at the local bathhouse!! Yeah, like a steam-room and a back rub are going to erase the fact that your friend whom you've been working with for the past 10 years just got his head smashed like a pumpkin.

Going to have nightmares about this one.

Letter

2007-09-29T05:15:00.000+08:00

Dear Nick

The Admissions Committee are absolutely delighted to offer you place on London Business School's MBA Programme, starting in August 2008 (MBA 2010).

Your offer is an acknowledgement of the unique attributes we feel you possess and the contributions we think you will make to the class and to our School community.

Our mission is to provide our students with the knowledge, skills, attributes and networks - the global business capabilities - required for leadership and success in demanding careers in the global economy. Our aim is to involve you in an outstanding business school experience that you will look back on as the most important career move of your life.

We will be in regular contact throughout the year and hope that you will continue to keep in touch and let us know if you have any questions. We will be able to give you access to a London Business School Portal Account early next year.

We are very proud of what we achieve at London Business School, and think you will be proud of what you can achieve working with us. Please accept our warmest congratulations on your offer. We look forward to welcoming you into the London Business School Community.

Please note that to confirm your place in next year's class you will need to pay your non-refundable Commitment Fee of £1500 by 31st October 2007. Your non-refundable Reservation Fee of £6000 will now be due on 25 January 2008. As a member of MBA 2010 you will be charged fees for that class which will be £44,490. The relevant payment forms are attached to this e-mail.

We very much look forward to welcoming you to the London Business School community and hope that you will continue to keep in touch and let us know if you have any questions.

If your contact details change, please be sure to update us so that we can stay in touch.

We look forward to meeting you in August 2008.

Kindest regards,

Tamsin

And I say to you, well done, Sir.

2007-09-19T02:01:00.000+08:00

Steve Jobs can do no wrong.

I just took a look at Apple's new iPod-Touch and video iPod Nano. If you haven't yet seen these, check out Apple's website.

Wow. Speechless.

Gotta love this country

2007-09-18T01:09:00.001+08:00

There were two bizarre stories about China today on the top stories of CNN.com. No coincidence that both occurred in Southern China in Guangdong Province (its the heat... it makes people crazy).

In one story a man playing MMORPGs for 3-days straight died at his computer from exhaustion. In no other country in the world is Internet addiction a severe problem. But it is in China! There are people who's lives have been destroyed here because they can't pull themselves away from World of Warcraft or other similar games.

In another story a man who was involved in a quarrel with some local villagers invited all of the parties involved to a restaurant for dinner, AND THEN BLEW THEM UP WITH EXPLOSIVES! Apparently because guns are forbidden here (well, I've once seen mafia with them) and fireworks are very easy to obtain, a common way of exacting revenge on people in China is to blow them up with fireworks!

You gotta love this country!

Great T-shirt

2007-09-16T01:28:00.001+08:00

The Chinese have an affection for any clothing with English words on them. Often the words make no sense or say bizarre things.

Walking near my house a few days ago, I was behind a man with a shirt that said:

"Baby drank alcohol... Ooops!"

I would have given anything to have had my camera on me at that moment in time.

Oh, Pizza Qing, why did I ever doubt you?

2007-09-15T22:41:00.000+08:00

A month or so ago my friend Barbara and wanted pizza and decided that instead of our regular pizza joint, Pizza Qing, we would try the new Korean pizza place Han Sung Pizza. We had a beef pizza delivered to my apartment and ate it while watching a movie. Pretty darned good, we though.

A few weeks later my friend Martin and I ordered a Hawaiian pizza, and were a little disappointed... they had put waaaay to much cheese on the pizza rendering it soggy.

Tonight I decided to give Han Sung one more try. I ordered the Hawaiian Pizza. Oh my. Pizza Qing, I am sorry for ever doubting you. The "Hawaiian Pizza" from Han Sung arrived with not ham and pineapple, but also all of the other fruit toppings you find in a typical can of fruit cocktail, complete with the cubes of gelatin that the Chinese like to put in fruit salad.

Yes, I had a ham, pineapple, peach, grape, jello, and cherry pizza tonight. Yuck!

Bush is a baboon... a blithering baboon

2007-09-07T23:08:00.000+08:00

...not like we didn't already know that, but you can't make this stuff up. Political comedy writers of our generation couldn't ask for a bigger idiot running our country.

Visiting Australia for the days leading up to the APEC meeting, Bush in one speech managed to refer to the country as Austria (White House official transcripts covered up this error... kinda defeats the purpose of a transcript) and thanked the country for being such a gracious host of OPEC Summit. Really? Last time I checked, Saudi Arabia and the rest of the Oil & Petroleum Exporting Countries weren't members of the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation. The Gulf is no where near the Pacific ring of fire... but hey, this is what happens when nepotism runs wild. Moron.

Icing on the cake... Bush walked the wrong way off the stage and nearly fell off the edge of the stage before being redirected by John Howard, the Prime Minister of Australia. Now, why couldn't Johnny-boy have grabbed the reins a few years ago and not blindly followed Bush into Iraq in 2003? Bush could have used some guidance back then as well as today.

Air quality

2007-09-07T00:24:00.000+08:00

Ever day driving home from work, I come over the crest of this one hill and look down on the valley where Yantai University is along with my apartment. Most days there is this huge cloud of haziness blanketing the entire area. 30 seconds later you can no longer see the cloud because you are actually in it... can't see the forest for the trees.

Anyway, healthwise I'm pretty sure that living in China for two years is the equivalent of chain smoking cigarettes for 6 months (two days ago was my two year mark in Yantai!).

我中文说的不好

2007-09-06T02:01:00.000+08:00

身在我hui谐一百二十汉字差不多。我hui看二百汉字差不多。什么时候我去英国我xiang能看he谐一千汉字可是我太mang。我不学xi。我是不好学生。

Cheap Seafood

2007-09-06T01:48:00.000+08:00

One of the great things about living in a seaside city in China is the ridiculously cheap seafood. Fish is a major staple of the diet here, although during certain times of the year I understand that it is technically all black market fish; they ban fishing during some months to preserve the fish populations.

Anyway, tonight I made seafood gumbo, a dish which in the US would have cost me a pretty penny to make. But with prices like these, it was about the same cost as eating out at a local restaurant.

2 lbs (2 斤 (jin) actually, roughly 2 lbs) large shrimp- 35 RMB (approx $5)
1 斤 of shucked oysters - 15 RMB (approx $2.5)
2 斤 of mussels - 8 RMB (approx $1.05)

Interestingly enough, mussels are so cheap here that at a Chinese business dinner, they will not serve them to important guests as it would be a sign of disrespect for choosing something so cheap. I once picked mussels out, telling my hosts I really liked them, but the shook their heads and refused to buy them! An appetizer of mussels in the US can be one of the more expensive things on a menu!

Sad day for beer

2007-09-01T12:08:00.000+08:00

Michael Jackson died today (no, note the accused pedophile/pop-star). Michael Jackson, the world's leading authority on beer, who wrote numerous books about beer, its varieties, and its history, and also starred in the TV series The Beer Hunter, was found dead in his flat in London from a heart attack. He was 65.

Michael's love of Belgian brews has often been credited with the surge in popularity of Belgian beer in the US; Michael was known for matching beer to various food dishes similarly to wine. This practice was picked up by high-end restaurants around the world and lead to a "renaissance and renewal" of beer culture.

Reader request

2007-08-28T11:26:00.000+08:00

I recently had a reader by the name of Sonja ask me if I can mention any good bars or restaurants in Yantai. That is quite the loaded question, as there are a great many. I'll attempt in this post to talk about the ones I frequent. I apologize if I've left any reader favorites out... feel free to add more in the comments section.

I'll start with bars because there's much fewer of those:

Alibaba Bar - by far the bar of choice for expats and many Chinese. Easily the most popular bar in the city. Alibaba is owned by Swedish Daniel and run by his girlfriend Micky and her family. The bar side offers a packed bar most nights, Daniels ridiculously strong drinks, and thumping pop music. The much larger pool hall side offers comfortable seating areas, 19 pool tables, 1 snooker table, a poker room, and a whole bunch of majong rooms.

Jackie's Bar & Restaurant - though more of a restaurant offering western cuisine (burgers, fajitas, etc) after about 10pm the downstairs bar can get quite crowded. Small bar but good company. Foosball table to distract you from drinking. Very large selection of drinks, including many imported beers, although prices are a bit stiff.

Havana & Cape of Storms - I'm grouping these together because they are almost across the street from one another and I'm going to say the same thing about them. In the past they were cool places to hang out, but after changing ownership, they've turned into primarily Chinese hangouts. The street they are on (Chao Yang Jie) has always been a little sketchy (mafia, prostitutes, etc) but in the past year it seems to have gotten much worse. Chao Yang Jie is undergoing a massive renovation. Perhaps afterwards the street will be better.

Bohemia Bar - again, not quite as nice as when under western management, Bohemia is located across the street from Yantai Shan Park. The decor is very nice, reminiscent of many western bars, but the lack of customers can lead to a very quite evening... although, perhaps that's what you want sometimes.

Red Fox Bar - purely a Chinese hangout, Red Fox offers constant KareOK performances by the staff at blaringly loud noise levels. The owner is very nice however and will go out of her way to make you feel welcomed.

Face Club - Located downtown, the only real clubbing experience Yantai offers, Face Club offers you loud house music, laser lights galore, poor bar service, cover charges, cross dressing bartenders, and a man who will give you a back massage when you're using the urinal (weird). If you feel the need to dance, I suppose Face Club would be a good alternative to Alibaba, although I much prefer Alibaba.

Banana Club - the shitty version of Face Club. I've only been there once and I've never heard of any one going there more than once.

New Bar out near Yantai University - there is a new bar out near Yantai University which I hear is ok. I don't know the name, but they are trying to attract some western crowd, although I don't think with much success. It is owned by Stephen who also runs Cape of Storms.

JJ Disco - another good dance club down near the old train station. Like Face Club but a little cheaper.

There are many more restaurants than bars to talk about and they tend to fall into 3 main catagories; Western Food, Chinese Food, non-Western Foreign Food (Korean, Japanese, etc.)

I'll start with Western Food, as this is what most foreigners are interested in and also the smallest catagory.

Jackie's Cuisine - also listed in bar section above, Jackie's is easily the most popular and maybe the best western food option around. Their fajitas are fantastic, their burgers are decent. It is basically Hard Rock Cafe type food with a similar decor. Not cheap by Chinese standards but still slightly cheaper than a Hard Rock Cafe or TGI Friday's.

French Romantic Restaurant - Expensive but very good food. If you are looking for steak, this is arguably the best steak in Yantai, but also the most expensive. The Chateau Briand is fantastic, the steak fondue is fun, and if you're adventurous, the steak tartar is decent. Salmon is quite nice there, but their lamb leaves a little to be desired. If you are ready to shell out some serious cash (approx 200 RMB) and pre-order 3 days in advance, Henri (the chef and owner) will prepare a couscous with lamb medallions that is incredible. Finishing the meal with Bananas Flambe is a lot of fun.

Sucre - a Chinese operated cafe/French restaurant, Sucre is the poor man's version of the French Romantic. The various steaks are not as good, but they are much cheaper and come with garlic bread, soup, and salad. Selection of wine pales in comparison to the French, but if you're trying to save some cash its a pretty good bet.

Pizza Hut - in China Pizza Hut is quite a nice restaurant. They even serve escargot!

McDonald's, KFC...

UBC Coffee - good selection of drinks, although the western food selection is poor... just the standard Chinese club sandwich or pan fried crappy steak. Also offers some Chinese entrees. Go to UBC for the coffee or the dessert selection (Tira Misu is fantastic).

If you're living in Laishan near the Universities, there are a few Korean Pizza places that will deliver right to your door. Pizza is decent, but not that cheap. Ask on the phone, "Ni hue shuo Yingwen ma?" (Do you speak English) and they will put someone on the phone who does. Remember to ask for Cheesy Crust (its pretty good).

Chinese Food; there are hundreds and hundreds of Chinese restaurants in Yantai, ranging from very large, fancy seafood restaurants, to small hole-in-the-wall dumpling restaurants with one light bulb. I obviously can't mention all of then here, but I'll list the ones I frequent. I also don't know the real names, but I'll call them what some of the foreigners do. If you ask around, I am sure you can find them.

Above the Ocean World (near Yantai library) - fancy, fancy, fancy seafood restaurant. Be prepared to spend some serious money (by Chinese standards), but if you want to impress Chinese clients/friends, this is where to take them. Live lobster is quite good...

Hot Pot behind RT Mart - great hot pot restaurant, providing each person with their own small hot pot instead of one large group hot pot. More suited for the winter as the steam rising from the boiling water can make for a hot dinner... absolutely delicious!

Sichuan Restaurant downstairs across street from Changyu Wine Museum - if you like really spicy food and have a translator, this is a great restaurant to keep your mouth burning on fire for a few hours. No English menu or speaking staff, you might want to have a Chinese friend write down what you want on paper that you can show the waitress.

Hole-in-the-wall restaurants in general - some of the best food (and cheapest) you will find is in the small family owned Chinese restaurants. Jiaozi (dumplings) are often fantastic and easy to order. Don't be put off by dark or dirty conditions in restaurants... you'll find some treasures if you look around.

Huiyifang - Sichuan restaurant near Yantai University - very poplar, very good, not so spicy as others. Try the ma po dofu (spicy tofu), the ganbian yundao (spicy green beans), or the fish flavor obergines (eggplant).

Hotel restaurant located on Yantai University - some of the very best Chinese food I've ever had at a great price. Go into the kitchen to choose your food. Don't miss the Beijing Qiezi (Beijing eggplant), pan fried beef, or 10,000 layer bread.

Mongolian Restaurant - specializing in North Western Chinese food, their lamb is fantastic. Near Yantai University, you can order more food than 2 people can eat for less than $6 US. Try the Paomo Soup (lamb soup with bread), Cumin Lamb, dry fried pork, really anything... food is fantastic and English menu is available.

Non-Western Foreign Food: If you've never tried it before, Korean and Japanese food are fantastic alternative to Chinese cuisine.

Nolboo Korean - located on Nan Da Jie near the Asia hotel, this is one of the best Korean restaurants, with a very nice decor and picture menus available.

Korean Restaurant near Huang Hai City Gardens along the Ocean Road - the most expensive, but still quite cheap by western standards. Coal BBQ at the table provides fantastic Korean style meats. Wrap the meat in a lettuce leaf with some garlic, chili peppers, and sauce.

Most of the big hotels in Yantai have a Japanese restaurant in house. The top three are the Asia Hotel, Golden Gulf Hotel, and the SD Mach Hotel. The Asia hotel is the most expensive but also the nicest decore. With a Japanese garden in the restaurant, and a large tempanyaki grill, you're sure to enjoy watching the chef juggle knives, light things on fire, and serve your food. The sushi is very good at all locations with quite a large selection. Picture menu's facilitate ordering. To give an idea of price, the standard sushi sampler which would be $18 US in America sells for about 40 RMB here ($5).

Tudali - a chain of Korean restaurants throughout the city, Tudali offeres a cheap, decent place to get some Korean food and get drunk on Soju. Often a place to come after a night of heavy drinking, Tudali offeres good drunk snack food. Try the Korean sushi, but be warned that Korean wasasbi is quite a bit hotter than Japanese wasabi.

Japanese Conveyor Restaurant on Shengli Lu near KFC - one of those conveyor belt Japanese restaurants where you take the dishes you want as they travel past you on a belt. Usually too empty for them to warrant running the conveyor. The package meals are quite good at a good price (sushi, tempura, egg, miso).

Well, I know this post was long and probably not of any interested to people not planning on coming to Yantai. Hopefully now you have a better idea of what is available and why I struggle with my weight sometimes. As much as I like living in Yantai, but waistline hates it.

Hope this helps, Sonja.

Oh Sweet Lordy, why?

2007-08-20T15:41:00.000+08:00

*Following excerpt taken from Popular Science article on lethal does of peppers*

Looking to top LeFevre and win a place in the Guinness Book of World Records is Anandita Dutta Tamuly, a woman from India who devoured 60 Bhut Jolokia peppers—the hottest pepper in the world—in just two minutes on national television. But she might not have anything on Mexico's Manuel Quiroz, who also wants a shot at the eating record and can squeeze habanero juice into his eyes without blinking.

Did you read that last sentence!? What kind of twisted soul do you have to be to voluntarily squirt habanero pepper juice into your eyes? AHHHHH!!!!

New Diet

2007-08-18T13:09:00.000+08:00

I've stumbled across a wonderful new diet that allows you to loose weight very quickly. I call it the KFC diet. Here are the basics:

Go to KFC
Eat their chicken
Come down with food poisoning
Take Extra Strength Tylenol to break the 102.8 degree fever
Always remember to stay within 20 ft of a toilet

Follow these steps, and you too can loose 5 pounds in 1.5 days!

Uninformed

2007-08-14T10:37:00.049+08:00

A few days ago I had dinner with a former staff member of mine, a really nice Chinese guy about my age. He left our company for a job that treated him much better (weekends off, paid more, etc) and it was wonderful to see him.

After walking around the downtown Chao Yang Jie area, we went to a 四川(Sichuan) restaurant that I've been wanting to try for ages now. (It was delicious and my mouth was on fire for hours.) It was the first time I've eaten chicken's feet, and while not my favorite, I would eat them again. My favorite sichuan dish so far is mapo dofu, a very spicy dish of cubed tofu and pepper. But I digress.

During dinner we discussed many things, and as with many conversations with the younger Chinese, we began discussing China's role in the world, and in particular its govermment. Now, I have grown accustomed to the fact that most Chinese people are not exactly "up on the facts" about certain situations involving China. The Chinese mi-dia frequently reports what the govermment wants its people to hear, not that annoying thing called the trooth.

I was still surprised though when my friend told me that, despite the fact that he is a 26 year old, university educated, very well spoken guy, he had never heard of the "event" that occurred in TN&men Four Sides in the summer of 19-8-9.

Never. Not, "Oh, it really wasn't that big of a deal" or, "Oh yes, a few people were arrested." Never heard of it.! He was shocked to find out about it sometime last year. When he DID start to try to look into it more, the only things he could find about it were Chinese reports stating that in fact it was the protestors that shot at the military and police, killing many of China's heroic soldiers! He knows now more about it from speaking to foreigners, and he said it made him much more angry that his government would lie about it than the fact that it had actually happened.

It is very normal here for certain stories to be kept under raps by the Parti. A protesst here, police brutalety there, perhaps some withholding of true status of AID-S in the country. That is par for the course here... what shocked me was how something THAT BIG, something so internationally known that most people will list TN&men in the top 5 things you think of when you hear the word "China", could be entirely unknown to a well educated, affluent young man.

I think there is a large disparity between the generations here in China regarding knowledge. The older generations seem to know many things, but are unwilling to talk about them. Only amongst good friends after a few glasses of baijiu have I heard some older Chinese men discuss their view of the gov, TN&men, and such related things. Those guys lived through that stuff, they were there, and their reluctance to discuss things openly stems from those days when doing so ran the risk of being turned in by a friend or neighbor, and being sentenced to 5-years in a labor camp or worse (gulp).

It is the polar opposite for the younger generation here. They didn't grow up with this fear. They want to discuss and learn more about things, they have a fervor for it, but they don't have access to the knowledge that their parents and grandparents do. Instead, they try to supplement actual knowledge of things with information gleaned from the internet, which unfortunately is often misinformation, distributed en masse by the powers that be. The more they learn, the more ashamed many of them have told me they feel about they way certain powers have behaved... which unfortunately has the side effect of making them less willing to talk to foreigners about things, where they could actually find out more information.

I myself will not discuss any subject about Chinese governpants, unless a Chinese person brings it up first. The social rule of, "don't discuss poolotics or meligion at dinner" applied triply, nay quadruply in China. It can be a very upsetting subject for some and unless you know they desire to discuss it, you should just leave it alone.

This summer was the first time that the glovernment allowed anyone to publicly remember any of the deaths that day. One woman was allowed to openly commemorate her son... one woman out of the thousands of families who lost someone that day, who petition the glovernment each year to be allowed to openly remember their lost ones. Its not much, but at least its a step in the right direction. Perhaps in another 18 years there will be no more ban on publicly remembering the event. Perhaps by that time, the powers that be will learn that the only way to avoid repeating mistakes is to learn from them, and the only way to learn from them is to remember them.

**You'll note that throughout this post, some words have funny spellings, etc. That's so this doesn't show up in a word search for certain things. I don't want to attract any negative attention from anyone, and you never know who is watching here in China.

My trip

2007-08-13T16:14:00.000+08:00

So after the debacle of loosing my passport, my nerves were completely shot, especially considering that my main reason for taking the trip was to avoid having a mental breakdown that was well on its way. I really didn't need the added stress.

Fortunately, I had a fantastic trip home that completely recharged my batteries. Some highlights of the trip below:

Sitting next to an Australian girl named Amy on the flight to London. We hit it off and chatted for 7 hours straight. Extremely well traveled, and a very talented photographer, Amy and just couldn't stop talking to each other. I was sad to say goodbye at London Heathrow, but a few weeks later I got an email from her asking if she could come and visit me in Yantai on her way back to Australia. She ended up coming to visit me a few weeks ago and stayed for almost one whole week... now she's planning to come back for 2 weeks in Sept when she is off of school again (nursing student). Yay!

Surprising my 92 year old grandfather by showing up in his room. Over the course of 4 days we had numerous pub meals (guy can still put back a few pints) and took some trips. How I miss fish and chips, chased by a good English bitter. It was great to put such a smile on his face.

Going out drinking with my friend Mattei and his brother Luc in London. The three of us have been talking about doing that since we were 10. I don't think we had in mind to drink quite so much, but it was still a blast.

Talking to the head guy at LBS for 1.5 hours... quite encouraging.

Getting picked up by Fargus at JFK when I wasn't expecting it (thanks again, man!)

The awesomeness that was Steve's wedding. I still can't believe how good the food was. The ceremony was 1 hour away from the hotel, so the groomsmen (in our luxury limosine van) stopped by the liquor store on the way to the church (at the suggestion of the reverend, I might add) and got ourselves quite tipsy on the way to the ceremony.

(Taking a step back) We nearly got kicked out of the hotel room for noise complaints when we had the combined groomsmen/bride's maids party. We kinda knew the night would turn that way when at the rehersal ceremony, the groomsmen all dropped their pants (we had boxers on) for the bridemaids to take photos of!

It was really cool to see the first of my friends get married.

The 4 days I spent down the shore, with my bro Charles coming to visit. Partying it up with my insane cousin Stokes and his friends. They're 21-is years old and I cannot keep up anymore. Woke up my Gran when I stumbled home at 4am. Sorry Gran!

The week of rest and relaxation of doing nothing at my parent's house. Of course, I didn't really have a choice to sit and do nothing. Once my parents got home from Europe, I didn't have access to a car, and since my company had yet to pay me, I didn't have enough money to rent one.

Sitting out on my parent's back porch with Charles for hours, drinking good English beer, shooting the shit.

Getting to see my parents, even if it was only for a short time.

Bottom line of it is, I have the best friends in the world. I know there were people that I didn't get to see, even though I thought I'd be able to... next time I'm home, I promise you guys, I'm going to come and visit you.

Back in Yantai, I quickly found myself enjoying life again here. I can hardly believe my mood has improved so much over the past few months. I really thought I was done with Yantai, but now I find myself able to stay here a while longer.

Back to Blogging

2007-08-13T15:52:00.000+08:00

It's been almost 7 weeks since I last posted a blog. I am actually still here in China, but I've been so busy lately that I've hardly had time to do anything at all, let alone writing blog posts.

At the end of June I left China for one whole glorious month. I was getting to the point where I needed to get the heck out of dodge for a while. I was miserable here for various reasons that finally culminated in an ultimatum to my boss... send me home for a while, or I'm done. If I had had to stay in Yantai for another 2 days, I would have blown a gasket.

My last night here, I invited my friends Jack and Ben over to my house to hang out. They were leaving a week later to go home, and since they didn't think they were coming back, this was to be the last time I'd see them. As they sat and watched a few movies, I packed my bags only to find that I was missing my UK passport.

I spent the next 8 hours ransacking my apartment looking for it. Just the previous day I had taken it from my office desk to bring home because clearly I'd be needing it to travel. My friends left after a while, and by 5 am I was in a panic... my flight was leaving at 8 am and I had searched everywhere. I could get into London and the US just fine with my US passport, but without my UK passport (and my residence permit) I would not have been able to leave China!

I called one of my co-workers at dawn and had him look in my office. I was sure it had to be there since I knew it wasn't in my apartment. With no luck (and at this point in a paranoid you-clearly-aren't-looking-hard-enough state), I hopped into a taxi to the office to find it myself. Sure enough, my staff were right and my passport was no where to be found. The time was now 7am.

Deciding that it must have fallen out of my pocket or something in the car, I had the driver bring the car and we searched under the seats, down the cushions, to now avail. I was ready to cry.

When I had just about given up, the driver came running into the office with my passport in hand! On a whim he had looked in the trunk, and it was sitting there plain as day. I suddenly realized what had happened... my briefcase had been in the trunk and tipped over, spilling my passport out.

We left for the airport at 7:15am, made the 25 minute drive in 15, and I still managed to board my plane that was leaving at 8:00 am.

Yay, Harvey Luck.

Of course!!

2007-06-20T19:08:00.000+08:00

Chrissy, I'd love to see you and Aaron. I'll be in Philly from July 1 - 6th. I am probably going down the shore on the 6th or so... I don't know if you are free in the week though. I'll probably be back in town on the 10th - 15th if that's any better.

Hope we can make this work out... I miss you!

I'ma comin' home!!! Woohoo!!!

2007-06-18T13:16:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow morning I'm getting on a plane to Shanghai. I'll be flying to London to see my Grandfather for one week, then I'm flying to the States. I'll be at Fargus's in the Dirty Jerz for a few days before going to Mast's wedding (which I'm in). Then I'm looking at some peaceful time at home for July 4th, followed by a weekend down the shore with my extended family. I'll get to see the 'rents for a few days before having to fly back to China. All in all I'll be gone about 1 month. I'm happy to be going home, but I'm more happy just to get the hell out of Yantai for a little while!!

Since I only get to see my parents for a few days, I'll be coming back sometime in August, so I'll see all you people then too!!

Messin' with the wrong dude

2007-06-18T13:10:00.000+08:00

Apparently some of the Brit-boy kung fu crowd learned a lesson the hard way...

Don't go up to a mafia guy, whose job it is literally to kill people, and spit a mouthful of chewed peanuts on his shirt.

Some simple math:

1 mouthful of chewed up peanuts + 1 angry Chinese mafia capo + 1 phone call = 10 mafia guys with machetes and 5 badly beaten & bruised Brit-boys

They are so very, very lucky that for some reason the machetes stayed sheathed.

Coxian list

2007-06-12T01:19:00.000+08:00

This is from my friend, Crazy Ben. When Ben's not living in China, he's living under a bridge, somewhere in Maine. All of the below is his work... I felt the need to share.

As my time in China is coming to an end I have been spending a lot of time reflecting on how I have changed over the last year, and watching a lot of Scrubs. So here is my list of things that no longer surprise me.

Kids making out in the bushes.

People almost getting hit by cars.

Cars getting hit by cars.

Being on a bus that hits a car.

Children shitting in the street.

Old people shitting in the street.

Smelling shit every where I go.

Prostitutes.

Dogs with out leashes.

Dogs with out owners.

Feral dogs.

Feral cats.

Beggars.

Drunk Chinese people before 5pm.

Knife fights.

Cops with their lights on being passed.

Cops with their lights on being passed in the break down lane.

People driving the wrong way down one way streets.

Russian girls.

Fire works at any time of the day or night on any day or night for god knows what reason.

Getting things for free because I am white.

Paying twice as much for things because I am white.

People who say, "Hello" then laugh.

Children staring and pointing at the white guy.

Adults staring and pointing at the white guy.

Barber shops that sound like dance clubs.

Chinese girls with mullets.

Shirts that have English phrases that don't mean anything.

Being told I am cool by anyone who notices anything not Chinese about my clothes.

Students asking why Jack's eyes aren't blue.

Pot bellied men with their shirts tucked up under their armpits.

Men cuddling on the bus.

Getting groped at by overly friendly Chinese guys.

Seeing Chinese girls get groped at because that is actually a substitute for bar conversation.

The "lets see what you are working with" look-over at the urinal.

The quarter inch of urine on the floor in any public restroom.

Anyone from another English speaking country using made up non-sense words.

Girls holding hands.

Guys holding hands (added by Nick).

Four people on a moterscooter with four 25 foot lengths of pipe driving though heavy traffic.

Secret doors.

Not knowing if someone is hungry or angry with you.

Russian Girls.

Chinese Doctors (though Jack will always fear them)

Pet stores and restaurants being one and the same.

Being encouraged, by everyone, to sleep with girls who are under 18.

Being encouraged to sleep with students.

Being told you are some ones favorite person to dance with.

Being told someone will not ever dance with you because you dance like a jackass.

Welding in public.

Welding with no eye protection.

Bear Face.

Oh, and Hugh Jackman.

(Nick fully understands that his readers will not understand the last two lines of this post, unless of course you are living in Yantai and have frequented "Bear Face". No, I will not explain further.

Canis lupus familiaris

2007-06-12T01:15:00.000+08:00

So, I had dog for dinner tonight...

'nuff said.

German Shepherd to be precise... yes, I feel guilty.

Yes, it tasted good... much like lamb.

I can never watch Turner & Hooch again. Damn you, Tom Hanks, damn you.

Airport Security...

2007-06-10T01:31:00.000+08:00

We went to the airport today to pick up my boss who has not been here for nearly 10 months. After the plane landed, he was waiting for the baggage to come through the baggage claim... we could see him standing there waiting.

The Chinese president pulled aside one of the police officers patrolling the airport and asked him to give him his ID badge so that he could go through the security screening and help my boss carry the luggage.

The police officer gave it to him without hesitation and allowed him to go through to the other side. Guy didn't even stick around to make sure he got his ID badge back.

Yay, security.

2007-06-10T01:29:00.000+08:00

Well, that marks 7 dead people I've seen in less that 2 years in China. Guy on a motorcycle totally got creamed by a car on the highway.

Part of me wants to ask, "Why doesn't this stuff happen in the US as often as it happens here?" And then I remember that Chinese people are the worst drivers I've ever seen in my life, living up to every stereotype imaginable, and never obey any traffic laws (not that they have that many here to begin with).

Narrating

2007-06-10T01:25:00.000+08:00

I love the random things you run across living in a foreign country...

I was in a cab tonight, on my way home, when the taxi driver pushed a button on the dashboard. A small TV screen extended from the radio and started to play a promotional tourism video about our wonderful city of Yantai.

It took me about three seconds to realize that it was my friend Ted narrating the video in over-annunciated English. I spent the rest of the ride home laughing hysterically, even though it probably wasn't really that funny.

I heard a rumor...

2007-06-01T22:19:00.000+08:00

My friend Rob told me today that he saw a Ramada Inn being built out near the sports complex... and he heard (and I want to stress that this is hearsay so as to not make people hate Rob when it turns out to be wrong) that there is also a...

STARBUCKS being built there!!!!

OMG!!!!

YES!!!!

For the people playing at home, the closest Starbucks to me now is a three hour drive South to Qingdao. Now, at home I don't particularly love Starbucks, but in China having a Starbucks around, or any Western amenity for that matter... I'm talking to you, Subway in Beijing... just makes me happy.

And poor (Starbucks is still expensive here).
And fat (caramel macchiato goodness... droool).
But happy, nonetheless.

You'd better be right, Rob, or Lord help me...

开瑞坦 (Kai rui tan)

2007-06-01T14:54:00.000+08:00

Oh Glorious Day!!

I have found the Chinese generic version of Claritin （Kai rui tan) in the pharmacy!! Same chemical formula and all, and it only costs $0.20 per pill as opposed to the $1.00 per pill the generic Walmart version costs at home!

I can breathe again, woohoo!!!!!

Welcome, Jess

2007-05-29T17:52:00.000+08:00

Apparently she's been blogging for a while now, but I've just stumbled upon my friend Jess's Yantai blog.

Welcome to the Yantai blogosphere, Jess!

Kinda wish they had told me that before...

2007-05-26T21:28:00.000+08:00

Well, I've inadvertently eaten the world's most dangerous food, and I didn't even know it.

Earlier this week I went out to dinner at a really fancy seafood restaurant with the boss's brother, his law firm partner, and the head judge of Yantai. Considering the company, it was no surprise when some of the most expensive dishes on the menu were brought out... after all, there is a lot of face to be gained when you are pampering a judge.

The mean started out with abalone the size of a small fist. Easily 200RMB ($25) each, everyone at the table was served one. The night went on with some delicious food, and far to much baijiu (just typing that word makes me cringe).

Cut to Friday evening when I am out to dinner again with the boss and his brother.

Boss's Brother: "Ni ke (Nick), did you like the food earlier this week?"
Nick: "Yes, it was delicious, thank you."
Boss's Brother: "Did you know it had poison?"
Nick: "Umm... what?"
Boss's Brother: "Two of the dishes that were served were a poison fish."
Nick: "Umm... really?"
Boss's Brother: "Yes, remember the sushi we had, and then the other cooked fish? Those were both the Japanese poison fish. If they make it wrong, you die."
Nick: "Gee... I wish someone had told me that before I ate it."
Boss's Brother: "Very expensive fish. Very delicious."
Nick: "(Resisting urge to give lecture on how you should not take other people's lives into your own hands without at least informing them first.) It was delicious, but I don't know if I'll eat that again. Remind me never to eat at that restaurant with you again. (spoken intentionally fast so he won't understand)"
Boss's Brother: "What was that you said?"
Nick: "Don't worry about it."

Yup... I apparently ate Fugu fish, which if not prepared properly will kill you in about 20 seconds. Sushi chefs in Japan need special licenses to make it... I sincerely doubt that in China they have such a licensing system, and even if they did there would probably be a black market for fake fugu fish licenses.

I am glad I am alive.

Ughh...

2007-05-26T09:52:00.000+08:00

...more waiting. I now have to wait until June 27th to find out. Better than a ding I suppose, but I was really starting to think I'd be admitted this round, mainly because I am one of the only people on the BW forums I have spoken to that has received an invite for the June 2-3 admits weekend.

Last night I found myself obsessively refreshing my email inbox about once every 20 seconds. After an hour of doing that, I decided it would be best if I went out to the bar, danced the night away, and find the decision when I came home at 7am.

Turns out that was a good decision, since the email didn't come until about 4am. What time do those AdComs stay at work until (4am - 7 hours = 9pm GMT).

Sec ret

2007-05-24T00:35:00.000+08:00

Can you figure it out?

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Backwards legal system

2007-05-21T23:46:00.001+08:00

I know this guy who lives in a foreign country in Africa (can't remember the name... begins with a "C" I think. Cameroon, perhaps? Chad? I thought it ended with an "a", but I can't be sure) who has a local lawyer as a friend. The lawyer tells him all about the country's legal system and how screwy it is. Once in a while when my friend and I get together for a drink, he tells me all of these crazy stories about the courts.

It seems that judges in said country only make about $250 per month. There are no laws or restriction preventing contact between an judge and the lawyers as there are in the US, so the opportunity for bribery abounds. In fact, it would seem that in a civil case, bribery is not only expected, but rather demanded. My friend says he has been present when judges have called his lawyer friend who sits before them and asked them to pay their bills, apartment rent, restaurant tabs, etc.

Apparently each side in a civil case takes part in a illegal bidding war for the judges decision before the case has even been heard in open court. When the trial begins, the verdict is often predetermined before a single argument is made. At various levels of court, the bribes get more expensive. A typical Supreme Court case will net a judge around $40,000, and they can sit multiple cases per week.

There is no separation of powers as there in the US. The legal system is entirely controlled by the government political party. Technically, the prosecutor's office has the ability to police the judges and they are able to bring them up on corruption charges if they deem fit, but they must get the government's permission first. Unless the judge has done something to make enemies in the government, then the prosecutor is probably committing career suicide by actually trying to do this.

In civil court cases, the decision is made by money. In criminal court cases, it seems you are pretty much guilty until... well, you're just guilty. Being a judge or a defense lawyer in a criminal case is not the best gig in the world. If a defense lawyer defends his client and it turns out later that the client is guilty, the defense lawyer himself can be tried and put in prison. The judge doesn't have it much better. If a judge deems a defendant innocent and he later is proven to be guilty, the prosecutor's office can have the judge arrested and tried as well.

It seems that in this particular country's legal system, many lawyers and judges are quite disenchanted. Many leave the profession after a few years of practice because of personal risk from the anti-corruption office or ethical issues. Many judges leave because the only way they can make money is to do so illegally. Most go on to become businessmen and women, starting a company, or running a restaurant.

Hearing these stories about such an unfair, backwards legal system makes me happy that I am a citizen of a country like the United States, who's governmental powers are kept in balance by each other.

Remembered my login

2007-05-21T23:27:00.000+08:00

Finally, after a week or so of trying, I have been able to login to blogger. A while ago I switched from the old version to the new google accounts version, and since then I have not been able to post. I finally stumbled upon the right combination of email address and password.

Not a whole lot to report, really. I had a really nice weekend that has put me in a great mood. My German friend Dani had some friends visiting for the weekend, so the group of us went to the bar each night. Drinking, dancing, 2am street BBQ, and staying out until the sun came up was good for the soul.

On Saturday, my friend Barbara and I went down to the pet/plant/antiques market so I could show her where to buy turtle food for her pet turtles, Panda and Dinosaur. We searched in a local department store and I found an oven for only 300 RMB (I only know two people with ovens in Yantai... this means I can finally bake something). I honestly don't know how the Chinese manage to get through life frying all of their food. The department store also sold a bread machine, complete with English language recipes which I think I will go back and buy in a few days time. I've already found a recipe for cheddar/onion bread which sounds fantastic.

I'm trying to plan my trip home to the States for my friends' Steve and Debbie's wedding, which I am in (June 30th). I still don't know which day I will be coming home, but I am trying to work in a stop in London to see my Grandfather and also attend a reception at LBS for admits/waitlisters. I'm hoping the trip home can coincide with a business trip to Colorado, negating the need for me to pay for the tickets myself... that would be nice (which theoretically, I won't be able to do if I don't get paid soon anyway... but that is another story).

I'm in a much better mood this week. Last week I wasn't sure if I could stay in Yantai much longer, but this week I feel more optimistic. I very well may find myself falling back into my feelings of homesickness and general unhappiness, but I really hope not. On Friday I am supposed to be hearing another decision from LBS, so I may have more reason to be happy later... and if not, at least I will be able to better plan my near future if I know what's going on with that situation.

Reading back some of my posts, I am amazed people read this drivel. I don't really write about anything interesting, just my own daily routine, thoughts, etc. I am constantly jealous when I read well written blogs, such as my friend Fargus's blog or his celebrity gossip blog which he writes with the hilarious Mel.

Anyway, that's about it for me today. Time for bed.

Focker, out.

Another financial Siren beckoning

2007-05-02T15:23:00.000+08:00

The video game shops in Yantai just started selling X-Box360 and Wii games for ten kuai each (about $1.25). I could quite literally buy every Wii game yet made for less than the price of buying one Wii game in the US. I fear that once I get paid I may be abandoning my PS2 for a Wii.

One lucky soldier

2007-05-02T15:16:00.000+08:00

Here is a picture of an iPod belonging to a US soldier in Iraq. Seems he rounded a corner and took a bullet to the chest. Thankfully, Apple's mp3 player slowed the bullet down enought that it did not pierce his body armor, and he walked away with a severe bruise.

An Apple engineer apparently heard about the story and is working on getting him a replacement iPod.

I'm half tempted...

2007-05-02T15:10:00.000+08:00

...but I can't convince myself that spending almost $70 on a Cheesesteak is worth it.

Campos Deli on Market Street in Philly will overnight ship you a cheesteak or hoagie sandwich, complete with TastyKakes, Herrs Chips, Philly soft pretzels, and Goldenberg's Peanut Chews anywhere in the world.

The menu

So tempting... I would kill for a decent hoagie.

Oh, Chrissy...

2007-05-02T14:44:00.000+08:00

Dearest, I'd love to speak to you and Aaron on the phone. Can you please email me your phone number in Connecticut so I can call you sometime? Also, I don't have your email so that will let me know what it is.

My email is: Otford15@hotmail.com
My phone (counts as a Philly number for you to call): 610-627-3176

If you try to call me, keep in mind that we have a 12 hour time difference... I'm not quite the night owl I used to be in college.

I have your picture frame of four leaf clovers in my apartment in Yantai... live on the 3rd floor and haven't falled out of a window yet!! ("I flied?", "No, you falled.")

Rough week...

2007-05-01T02:43:00.000+08:00

Yeah, I've had a rough week. I haven't taken my breakup with Louise very well. In fact, it has made me very much feel alone and question what the hell I am doing in China still.

I've been trying to stay out of my apartment this past week. Last Thursday my friends Rob and Chris took me on a pub-crawl of the old Yantai barstreet, Chao Yang Jie. It was strange being in some of these old bars where we used to spend so much time, now only filled with a few Chinese. Colours Bar was the most interesting, being a Chinese gay bar.

If anyone needs proof that being gay is genetic, I believe it must be Colours Bar. In China, being gay isn't just looked down upon, it is downright denied. Gay doesn't exist in China (well, not officially). I cannot imagine any Chinese teenager thinking, "Gee, you know what? My family will disown me, I will never get a job in this country, and quite likely the police will invent a reason to lock me up, but you know... I really feel like being gay. I am making that choice." No, of course not. Anyone gay in China is that way because there is something in their bodies telling them to be. No one in their right mind would "make that choice" as many neo-cons in American would have you believe. Yet, this bar still had patrons who are open about their sexual orientation, in one of the few places outside of Mississippi where it would be harder to do so. Anywho... I digress.

I've played poker 3 times this week. Walked away with 200 RMB of Lee's money tonight, so that made me happy. You sorry son-of-a-criminal.

Tonight I went and treated myself to a sushi dinner at the Air Plaza Hotel. Really nice sushi sampler and bottle of saki for $11. Yum, yum. Saki got me nice a buzzed before I went out to the bar, but its ok because I'm not working tomorrow. May 1-7 is Chinese labor holiday. Legally, every company in China must give their workers 1-3 off, but of course, my company never follows the law, and instead we are only getting May 1st off. Oh well, se la vie.

I'm still not doing ok, but I'm working on it. I've got good friends here who invite me out. I just wish this city weren't so dang small. The entire ex-pat social life here revolves around one bar and the same 30 people. Living somewhere like Shanghai or Hong Kong would really allow you to get lost in the crowd and re-invent yourself if need be. Oh well... as long as I have a decent job keeping me in Yantai, I won't be moving any time soon... but if I suddenly don't have a reason to stay in Yantai, Hong Kong is looking awfully sweet right about now.

Year of the...

2007-04-23T21:18:00.000+08:00

I was out to dinner tonight with our stone supplier for the granite importing operation my Dad and I are trying to get off of the ground. I love going to this dinner, because I usually end up with a great quote to post on my blog. Tonight's was a winner:

Zhao: "How old is your father?"
Nick: "57"
Zhao: "You are a cock."
Nick: "Excuse me?"
Zhao: "Ni shi ji."
Nick: "Oh, right. Yes, I am a rooster (I was born in 1981)."
Zhao: "Oh no, I make a mistake. I am so sorry. I just remember the other meaning of cock."
Nick: "No, cock is a word for rooster... technically."
Zhao: "Mr. Nick, I promise; I don't think you are a penis. Please forgive me."
Nick: "It's ok, don't worry about it."
Zhao: "You are not a penis!!"

I couldn't make this stuff up.

I beseech Thee, oh Gods of Fortune...

2007-04-23T15:20:00.000+08:00

... make this week go better, please!

Not that splitting up with my girlfriend of over 1.5 years is bad enough (read: nausea inducing kick to the groin), but you apparently feel the need to add a few rotton cherries on top. I know how much you love to inflict food-poisoning-esque aliments on me (I'll take partial responsibility as I choose to live in this country) but you always seem to bring on stomach bugs at the most inopportune times. Then, you cause me to loose an all-in bet at poker, to Lee of all people. I had Kings and 6's, and that son-of-a-criminal Aussie beats me with Aces and 6's. I suppose you are doing me a little favor by not making work suck so much this week (things are actually progressing), but I have one favor to ask:

Redeem yourself (and stop kicking me while I'm down) by giving me good news on Wednesday. Really good news, not, "Oh, I'm sorry but you're going to have to wait for another 8 weeks while we decide whether you've gone through enough torturous waiting yet." Tell me news from London that is going to bring this week back up to mamahuhu (means so-so in Mandarin, literally horse horse tiger tiger) level and not one of my worst weeks of the last two years.

I offer you this sacrifice of three pirated DVDs in my microwave (they didn't work so I was going to chuck them anyway). I hope the flying sparks of electricity, and cracking plastic appease Thee.

Regrettable Translation

2007-04-20T17:39:00.000+08:00

Below is a segment of an article taken from the APwire. If you'd like to read the full article, see here, finally proving that Kingsoft translation sucks.

TORONTO, Ontario (AP) -- Doris Moore was shocked when her new couch was delivered to her Toronto home with a label that used a racial slur to describe the dark brown shade of the upholstery.

The situation was even more alarming for Moore because it was her 7-year-old daughter who pointed out "n***er brown" on the tag.

"My daughter saw the label and she knew the color brown, but didn't know what the other word meant. She asked, 'Mommy, what color is that?' I was stunned. I didn't know what to say. I never thought that's how she'd learn of that word," Moore said.

The mother complained to the furniture store, which blamed the supplier, who pointed to a computer problem as the source of the derogatory label

Kingsoft Corp., a Chinese software company, acknowledged its translation program was at fault and said it was a regrettable error.

Horrific

2007-04-17T10:18:00.000+08:00

I just read on CNN.com about the massacre at Virginia Tech today, it is the largest mass shooting in US history. The level of evil it takes to kill 32 students is truely astounding. Please let's remember the friends and families of those students and teachers who were killed in our thoughts and prayers.

How can something like this happen? And how did the school's administration not shut down the campus and cancel all classes after the first shooting in the dorms? Two hours later, 30 more people were killed!! If they had shut down campus after the first killing, perhaps the second set of shootings could have been averted!?

Don't borrow money from the Chinese mafia...

2007-04-16T14:02:00.000+08:00

A guy I know, Adriano, got himself into some bad business with the Chinese mafia. It seems that he owes them quite a bit of money and last week they were looking for him to have a "talk".

Faced with the option of loosing a few fingers (or possibly much worse) or running, Adriano skipped town back to Kuwait.

I think he owes half the people in Yantai money, including me!!

Hilarious Parody

2007-04-12T13:33:00.000+08:00

This parady is great. Alanis sings one of the worst songs ever written.

Funny Chinese Products

2007-04-12T12:08:00.000+08:00

Can you read the can? It says, "Mr. Bond Coffee, American Pattern, I'm young... I'm coffee." I think the marketing people at Mr. Bond Coffee were perhaps smoking some Crackpop when they designed this slogan.

Update

2007-04-12T11:54:00.000+08:00

Alright, I know I haven't posted in a while. I've felt a lack of inspiration... my days pretty much consist of sitting around at work waiting (waiting to get paid, waiting for April 25th review date), then going home, eating dinner, watching a movie, and then going to bed. Repeat. Well, at least that's the way it feels. I suppose I have had some variety recently.

A few weeks ago I went to a Chinese wedding. I keep meaning to write a post about that, but I never seem to get around to it.

My friend Mattei came to visit me for a week and a half. I met him in Beijing where I showed him the sights. We hiked 10k on the Great Wall, one of the most exhausting activities I have done in years. We spend the evenings out on San Lutin drinking entirely too expensive drinks. We definitely retreated back to the Shut Up Just Drink bar where prices are still adequate and they serve "F**ing Good Mojitos", as they are called on the menu (and they are).

I tried a new street food stall and consequently missed worked yesterday, praying to the porcelin god that resides in my bathroom. Yeah, that was fun. Lesson learned: stick to food stalls I know and trust.

Four hour venture into Walmart. They've increased their selection of western foods and I've finally bought a incandencent lamp so that I can turn off my horrendous flourescent lights in my house. Incandenscent makes Nick happy.

Other than that, nothing much is going on with me. I recently found two products which made me chuckle. I tried to upload the pictures, but blogger won't let me for some reason. I'll try later. To give you a teaser, one is a candy called "Crack Pop" and another is a product called, "Mr. Bond Coffee". Gotta love Chinese marketing.

rent-a-laowai.com

2007-03-19T15:23:00.000+08:00

A few weeks ago, one of the engineers who works for me presented me with a red card covered in Chinese characters. I couldn't read it, but I was excited nonetheless; I realized I had been invited to my first Chinese wedding.

To be honest, I was a little suprised. I don't really know this guy and he hasn't worked for me for that long. At first I thought he invited me, hoping I would give a large cash gift. It is customary for everyone attending a wedding to give 200 RMB in a red evelope. 200, 600, 800, 2000, 6000, and 8000 etc. would also be acceptable, but since 200 RMB is 1/4 of what a factory worker makes in one month, most only give 200. Perhaps my staff member thought I would be able to afford a larger gift? After all, it is a well known fact in China that all foreigners are loaded walking wallets with gold bullion spilling out of our pockets as we walk. Seriously, they teach that in Chinese schools.

Later whilst talking to another staff member, David, I learned the real reason I was invited. He explained that there would be two parties; one for close friends and family and one in the evening for the factory workers. When I told David that I would only be able to one party, David replied that I should go to the first party with the close friends and family, because the bride's family would be very impressed that their new son-in-law was such good friends with a laowai.

Of course!! They don't want you there because of friendship or anything like that! They want you there to say, "Look, I have a laowai at my wedding, look how important I am!" This sentiment struck me as being similar to my previous company's view on me. I am convinced to this day that the only reason that theysent me to China was so the Chinese division could say,

"Hey Customer, look how much money we are spending on your account! We brought a foreign expert all the way from America because you are a very important customer to us and we are trying to save face from the s**t service we are actually providing to you. No, we are not actually going to listen to anything he says or impliment any of his suggestions, despite the fact that we have no idea what we are doing and he could help make us competent..."

Sigh... but I digress.

Anyway, once I had told my friends about it, Louise and Nick (no, not me... the Nick that's living with my girlfriend. Yes, I know...yes, we've heard the jokes) came up with the idea for a new business: www.rent-a-laowai.com. They figured that some Chinese people would pay good money to have laowai come to their weddings, business meetings, birthday parties, etc to pretend to all of the other guests that they are best buds with the renter.

Think about it... you'd get paid to get trashed at Chinese weddings!! I know a few people in Yantai that would be well suited for the job. Jack "Chinese guys like to grind on me" Wagner (dude, they totally do when you're wearing a fur coat and you know it) alone would bring down the house at almost any Chinese party. He'd put the Chinese MC, who's job it is to "marry" the couple and then makes jokes at the grooms expense, out of a job!

Here is my proposed business plan, in detail:

Oh wait, no. No, that's not right... That's from the Underpants Gnomes episode of South Park. Well, back to the drawing board... I hope Louise or Nick have a better business plan. Oh, and I hereby claim all rights to the "rent a laowai" buisiness on behalf of Nick, Louise, and Nick.

The wedding was actually very fun and I am glad I was invited. The groom is a good guy, and I was very happy he allowed me to participate on such a happy day for him.

I.... can't.... take it anymore!!!

2007-03-19T15:19:00.000+08:00

The waiting is killing me!!!!

Haha... Candy Month

2007-03-16T12:31:00.000+08:00

Staff member: "I'm sorry, the engineer will not be able to work until April 1st."

Me: "Why?"

Staff member: "He will be on his candy month."

Me: "What?"

Staff member: "His candy month. You know, after his wedding."

Me (trying not to crack up): "Oh, you mean he will be on his honey moon."

Me: (chortle)

Pet Market

2007-03-13T17:22:00.000+08:00

I've been meaning to put pictures of the pet market up for some time now. It is one of my favorite places in Yantai to go for a stroll, and there is also a plant market and antiques/art market.

Avian Flu, anyone?

Goldfish-Mart

Crazy storm

2007-03-13T17:03:00.000+08:00

The first week I was back in Yantai, we had a crazy wind/ice storm. I tried to walk the 100 feet to the local shop near my apartment to buy some things, and I had to turn back because it was too strong.

I couldn't go to work the next day because the road along the ocean had been covered in debris, and our factory and one of the cars had been damaged by the wind. When I came to the factory later in the week, I saw that the wind had ripped the steel pilings that hold our car park roof right out of the concrete.

On Sunday, Louise and I went for a walk along the sea front in Yantai. Fargus, Josh, and Eli have been there, so they'll know where I mean... it was where we had our picture taken for the paper. Check out what the waves did! I'm amazed sometimes at the shear power that water can have.

Waterfront Walkway

Stairway to... nowhere?

Seafront Veranda - those blocks must each weigh > 1 ton

Eminem got his wish; Moby is dead

It's been a while...

2007-03-13T16:48:00.000+08:00

Wow... I haven't posted anything in a long time (with the exception of my Hulk tirade below). Guess I should catch people up.

During Chinese New Year, I high-tailed it out of this country for a few weeks. I hadn't been home in one year, so it was great to get back to Good Ol' Philamadelphia. I love Philly and the surrounding area... sigh.

My parents at home just jumped ahead a few decades and went from plain old broadcast television to fiber optic tv with DVR. They also invested in a 40-something in Sony HD LCD, so I a large portion of my first week on the couch.

After one week of sitting on my ass eating great food; I think I had 4 Italian Hoagies that week as well as 2 or 3 Cheesesteak (whiz wit', baby), I finally decided it was time to do something. The next week was a whirlwind of activity, and before I knew it, I was sitting back here in Yantai screaming at Chinese suppliers.

I'll make a short summary of my trip in list for (I've had complaints that my blogs can be too long):

I went skiing at Blue Mountain
I went to Mardi Gras with my fraternity bros!!! (another post on that later)
I went the Phi Kappa Psi annual Cherry Alley at my alma mater, Lafayette
Partied it up in Morristown, The Jerz
Had a family b-day party at a local Japanese restaurant
Bought myself the Canon SLR Digital Rebel XT with gift certificates from the fam.
Bought myself a new iPod Shuffle (I use it constantly... battery life is amazing)
Bought loads of clothes

And yeah... now I'm back here. Such is life, I suppose.

To everyone I saw at home, it was great to see you guys. To my friends that I didn't get to see, or for that matter even talk to, I am sorry... after my time with my family, I didn't have much time left and I know I missed out on seeing people I really, really wanted to see. To my bros who went to Mardi Gras... you guys are awesome and crazy. Best three days I never ever with to repeat. To those who wanted to go... tough luck, Charles... it ruled. Ehh, who am I kidding... we'll probably be going again some year.

Seeing Green

2007-03-13T16:24:00.000+08:00

Argh... stupid Chinese business practices make Nick ANGRY... Nick AnGrY.... Nick SMASH! Nick rampage like The Hulk and destroy Chinese supplier factory. Smash! SMASH!!!

Ahhh... Nick better now.

The One-timer

2007-02-07T17:14:00.000+08:00

I was introduced to the concept of the "One-timer" by my friend Jack last night. I own a lot of DVDs that have bought over the last year and a half. I watch movies all the time, often before they come out in the US. Only thing is, I usually only watch them once.

Last week I bought the movie Borat: Cultural Learnings for Make... yeah, I can't remember the whole title. Anyway, I watched it and thought it was hilarious. Jack came over last night to check it out, and to my dismay found that the DVD didn't want to play. When I did finally get it going, the audio was all sorts of messed up.

Jack told me I was a victim of the "one-timer". Apparently a lot of the pirate DVD companies use blank DVDs that are SOOO cheap that the laser in your DVD player actually alters the information as you view it the first time, rendering the disc unwatchable a second time.

So, I own close to 1,000 DVDs and there is a chance that some of them will never play again. Wonderful.

Rounders?

2007-02-05T12:40:00.000+08:00

Who won 600 元 at poker last night and has two thumbs?

This guy (imagine me pointing at myself with both thumbs.)

Yeah, ok. I kinda ruined that joke, huh?

It makes me so angry...

2007-01-26T23:00:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I went on a day-long business trip to Shanghai. I had to fly in for a morning meeting at the Hilton Hotel and fly back to Yantai in the evening. I took the plane down to Shanghai looking very dapper (yes, I used the word dapper... that must be my English Grandmother's influence). I was wearing a suit, tie, and my nicest black leather shoes. I arrived at the hotel a few hours early so I walked around the neighborhood to find a place to eat.

As I came back to the hotel, I passed a man on the street offering to shine shoes. He clearly was a shoe-fix-it guy (I suppose also known as a cobbler), and he called me over to shine my shoes. Sure enough they needed it, and when he told me 5 kuai for a shine, I said ok.

I sat down and took of my shoes. He made quick work of polishing them and while he worked we had a simple conversation about where I lived, etc. Before I had a chance to object, the man pulled out a machete and sliced off the heel of my shoe!! I yelled at him, "No!", but he showed me with my other shoe that the heels were worn and I needed new ones. Sure enough, he was correct, but I didn't appreciate not being consulted on the matter first. He knew I had to go along with it because now I had one shoe sans heel.

I watched as he expertly applied the glue, attached a new heel, trimmed the sides, and nailed it in. He did a fantastic job and when he was done, my shoes looked quite nice. When it was time to leave I asked how much.

He immediately started telling me a long story about how these were Italian heels and on Nanjing Road they cost 400 RMB ($50) for just the heel. I knew I was in for a ripoff, so when he told me he would give me a bargain at 250 RMB ($30), I yelled at him. I told him that he didn't ask if he could do it before, that he was cheating me, and that we both knew those heels were not "Italian".

Problem was, he was still holding one of my shoes. I offered to pay him 40 RMB, what I believed the service was worth (a co-worker later told me that 40-50 was a fair price), and he threatened to rip of the work he had just done on my shoe! I'd be in real trouble then because I'd have only one shoe with a heel. He finally went down to 120 RMB, but by this time a large crowd had gathered around to watch the laowai yell at the Chinese guy.

Since I didn't have anything smaller, I threw a 100 RMB note in the opposite direction, and as he scrambled for it, I yanked my shoe out of his hands. Much to my satifaction, the whole incident had attracted a police officer who asked to see the man's permit for working on the street. The man didn't have one, so he was charged a 100 RMB fine! It made me quite happy that he didn't get to keep any of my money, but I was still so angry. Being a foreigner in China is often an invitation to be ripped off. The Chinese even have a saying for it, "Cut the fat off the foreigner."

Pisses me off to no end.

Aftermath

2007-01-20T14:10:00.000+08:00

In China when a new store opens, a couple is married, or someone takes a breath, the citizenry will bless the event with a fireworks display (more accurately, the set off lots of dynamite). They believe here that setting off a gargantuan pile of M-80's will bring customers to their store, or ensure a happy marriage. When I first moved to China, I woke up one morning thinking that a nearby building was being imploded. I looked out of my 20th floor window trying to see the building come down. Alas, all I found was yet another DVD shop.

In case you don't believe me when I say "gargantuan", see the pic below of what the store looks like after a roll of 150,000 firecrackers goes off.

New Toy

2007-01-15T16:58:00.000+08:00

So, I've been struggling for ages, trying to decide what new toy to spend my hard earned money on when I came back to the US. I had originally set my sights on the new Nintendo Wii. It seems like such a great gaming system, that I just HAD to have one....

...until I remembered those days, leaving the chem lab at Houghton International everyday, rushing to the video game store, and dumping $50 dollars for a new game. Fifty-smackeroos!! That's a lot of money people, especially when it becomes a bad habit.

While shopping in Yantai a few days ago, I made a discovery. In China, you can buy Playstation 2 game copies for 4-5 yuan each ($0.50) just like you can buy DVD copies. And since the PS3 is out, the price for a Chinese PS2 has dropped significantly.

Anyway, long story short, I spent 32 元 ($4.00) on games that would have cost me $400 in the US. Who cares if its the previous generation of hardware and out dated. Ripping a demon in half in God of War for PS2 is still great fun, even if its graphics aren't up to PS3 standards.

Re-naming a drink

2007-01-15T16:36:00.000+08:00

I know I haven't been blogging much recently. I'd like to say it is due to my busy schedule (which is busy, but not THAT busy). I think rather that it is because I have not had much to blog about. After being told by Louise that my last blog entry was "lame", I decided I should put something up before I loose all four of my readers.

On Christmas Eve I attended a dinner with the Vice-Mayor of Laishan. At that dinner I met a young guy named Gaerath (sorry if I spelled that wrong) who has been living in China for seven years. His Chinese level was amazing and put us all to shame.

After dinner a group of us headed downtown to go and say hello to my friend Adriano who has been working at the Baby Face Club. First we had to pay a 60 元 cover charge because it was X-mas Eve. Upon entering the club, we placed our orders and waited. And waited. And waited.

I've been in this club once or twice before, and my friends and I had had trouble getting served then too. At first we thought it was shoddy service, but Adriano explained it to me. I couldn't believe my ears.

When someone places and order for a drink:

The bartender writes it down
Gives the paper to the bar manager who copies the order onto a form with carbon paper
The bar manager gives the forms to the floor manager
The floor manager signs the form and gives it to a messenger who runs upstairs to the office.
In the office, one form has to be signed by the accountant and one by the club manager
Both forms are then stamped with the Chinese red chop stamps that are needed for absolutely anything in China
One copy of the form is then sent by messenger back to the bar
The floor mananger checks the form, gives it to the bar manager.
Once the bar manager has checked the form, he/she gives permission to the bartender to pour the drink.

And you want to know what the real kicker is?

They have to do this for EACH INGREDIENT IN THE COCKTAIL, NOT THE WHOLE COCKTAIL ITSELF!!!

If I order a Long Island Iced Tea, they must take SEVEN forms up to the offices (vodka, gin, run, tequila, triple sec, sour mix, and Coke)!!!!

I hereby propose that we replace the Coca-Cola in a Long Island Iced Tea with grenadine, and call the drink "Bureaucratic Red Tape".

Long time, no see

2007-01-08T13:19:00.000+08:00

Wow... its been nearly one month since I posted. Sorry about that. I'm really busy right now, so I have no time to tell you all about my Christmas and New Year's, but I'll get to it eventually. For now, I'm going to leave you all with a description of London's most expensive sandwich (and most likely the worlds), which is making my mouth drool. Its more expensive than the Dom Perignon & Buffalo Wings meal at Hooters ($150) and 50 times more classy.

* 600 grams (that's 132 lbs)
* over 2500 calories (the RDA by the FDA)
* cost: 85 pounds sterling ($164 USD)
* available at Selfridges deli counter

For those eager to recreate this ate home, the ingredients are:
* Two slices of freshly baked sourdough bread
* Roquette dressed with avocado oil
* Confit of sweet peppers and grain mustard
* Unpasteurized Brie de Meaux
* Sliced English plum tomatoes
* Fresh lobe foie grase (duck liver... yummy)
* Wagyu beef (Japanese breed of cattle, similar to Kobe beef)

And I wonder why I'm tubby...

Ok, make your jokes...

2006-12-07T08:35:00.000+08:00

Last night I had dinner with a guy for some business my father is interested in. I enjoy having dinner with this guy; his English is quite good, but it is just off enough that I always leave with a funny anecdote.

He is a very touchy/feely man. I think this is because he thinks that Westerns are, and he is trying to act more Western. But he tries to hard. Any time a handskake would be appropriate, he give you a hug. When you are walking, he always wants to hold hands (actually, that is a Chinese thing), but even to the point where he tries to get your hand out of your pocket.

After dinner we were walking to the bus stop and he had his arm around me (yes, make your jokes... again, this is very Chinese) and he said to me,

"Mr. Nick, you are my lover."

"Umm.... no, I am not your lover."

"But, why? (with puzzled look on his face)"

"Your wife is your lover, not I."

"I not understand. No, you are my lover!"

"No, your wife is your lover because you sleep in the same bed as her."

"Oooooh.... I understand. Haha, no, you are not my lover. Sorry. Mistake."

"Glad we got that staight."

"You are my like-er!"

Jackass

2006-12-05T17:11:00.000+08:00

Last night I had dinner with an employee of mine who informed me that he would be resigning within the next two weeks. It made me sad, but I understood his reasons.

Or rather I should say reason (singular).

The reason my employee gave me was that the Chinese owner treats his employees worse than animals, and I gotta tell you, from what I have witnessed over the last nine months, that about sums it up.

The hours are grueling, the rules are absurd, the living conditions are questionable, and the pay is a mere pittance, even by Chinese standards. During meetings people are purposely targeted for humiliation in front of their peers (keeping in mind that "face" is of major importance in China). Staff are routinely cursed out by the manager, using the most foul and insulting phrases in all of Mandarin. Needless to say, I understand why the poor guy wanted to leave. We had a nice dinner together and I told him I would ask the foreigners I know about helping him find another job.

Today at the end of lunch when my friend went to hand in his lunch tray, the new chef confronted him as to why he hadn't eaten all of his food.

My friend's responsed, "Because it is badly burnt and I don't like it very much."

At this, the chef launched himself at my staff member, and gave him one hell of a beating. He him him so hard in the wrist that it shattered the crystal of his watch. Finally under a rain of blows, my friend threw one punch in self-defense and leveled the guy.

Why my friend called the Chinese president to tell him what happened, the Chinese owner loudly suggested that he go and have inappropriate relations with his mother and then hung up on him!!

When my friend later told the president he would be resigning, the president cursed him out more, refused to pay him his last two months of salary, and told him he would be charged a fee for all of the training he has received from the company and that if he didn't pay, he would have him arrested!!

And it is a mystery why all of your employees keep quitting and we can't get anyone to replace them?

I'm Frosty the Snowman, over here

2006-12-01T15:18:00.000+08:00

Ok, I can understand the factory only having hot water for 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours at night. When I'm sitting in my office, I don't have any pressing need to go downstairs and take a steaming hot shower. I suppose it makes sense that some money is being saved by not burning that coal. Yes, all of our heat (and electricity for that matter) is generated by coal.

What doesn't make a lick of sense is why the office heating is only turned on for those two hours in the morning!!

It gets slightly warm in here by about 10am, only to be tongue-stuck-to-the-metal-pole-freezing by lunchtime. I am sitting at my desk in a sweater, a coat, and mittens, clutching a glass full of hot water trying to get enough heat back in my fingers to type.

Yes, it saves money not to burn coal all day, but for the love of everything dear, what about the cost you accrue when your office productivity drops because everyone has hypothermia?!

And to add insult to injury, the Chinese president has a massive electric heater in his office keeping it toasty, which probably costs more to run that heating the whole office would with the radiators!!

AHHHH!!!!

Ousted

2006-11-28T11:37:00.000+08:00

Well, due to my lack of good recent posts, I've been knocked from the 10 Hottest Blogs list on the China Blog List. Oh well, my rise to fame climaxed at the 3rd most popular blog in China. Not bad.

Anyway, at least I have my residence permit now and we have heat in the office.

Drinking money

2006-11-23T12:51:00.000+08:00

Wow... we had a going away dinner last night for my French co-worker in our new restaurant (oh yeah... our new office has two apartments and two restaurants in it).

Anyway, after dinner I found out that the tea we were drinking costs 8,000 元/kg. That's about $460/lb, people!!

Chinese Proverb - part 1

2006-11-22T13:02:00.000+08:00

There was a rich man who was deliberately hard on his farmhand. He gave him a bottle and said, "Buy me a bottle of wine."

The farmhand asked, "How can I buy you wine with no money at all?"

The rich man said, "Anyone can buy wine with money. It takes real skill to buy wine without money."

After a while the farmhand returned with the empty bottle. He handed the bottle to the rich man and said, "Enjoy the wine, please."

Staring at the empty bottle, the rich man asked, "There is no wine, how can I enjoy this?"

The farmhand said, "Anyone can enjoy wine if there is some. It takes real skill to enjoy wine When there is none."

Choking, the rich man was unable to utter a word.

Because we wouldn't want our citizens to be able to learn now, would we?

2006-11-22T11:41:00.000+08:00

China, in its infinite and unfallable wisdom, has re-blocked Wikipedia and unblocked, yet again, blogger. Apparently Beijing is worried that the open editing features of the online encylopedia will serve as a platform for pro-Democracy, anti-Communist, rants; thereby corrupting the masses and toppling the government in a tidal wave of mouse clicks.

I just use it to read about panda bears.

The Great Firewall of China seems to operate with no rhyme or reason whatsoever. The "blacklist" is controlled both by local districts and Beijing; a webpage can be banned because the local censor didn't like the font or because some bureaucrat says it is subversive. The very next week, the censor's son wants to start a blogger blog, so the censor removes it from the list.
The list of what is allowed and what isn't changes so quickly here that even CNN can't keep up. Last week they reported that Wikipedia had finally been unblocked in China, despite the fact it had been unblocked here for at least one month. Then, just one week after CNN reports it is unblocked and that China finally buckled under international pressure for free speech, it is blocked again.

I suppose if CNN had reported it one month earlier when I had actually happened, China would have just re-blocked it that much sooner.

Oh well... thankfully, Anonymouse allows me to still view Wikipedia. Did you know that the Giant Panda has one thumb and six fingers on each paw?

Various other forms

2006-11-21T15:33:00.000+08:00

Obtaining a residence permit in China without the help of some serious guanxi is a mind numbing experience. I've spoken to plenty of English teachers at Yantai University and other schools who have said, "What's the big deal? I gave my passport to my school and had mine in two days. The police even hand delivered it to my house."

For those English teachers out there who didn't have to do anything (or pay anything for that matter).... bite me.

Here is a summary of what it has taken me to get my residence permit (god-willing, will be waiting for me next Monday):

Get full medical in Yantai (700RMB)
Obtain Work Permit from Yantai Labor Board (required 6 forms, all with official red stamp)
Obtain Temporary Residence Certificate from Yantai government (required 6 forms, all with same red stamp)
Obtain (yes I'm serious) form granting permission to apply for a residence visa (required 4 forms)
Go to Hong Kong to obtain Z-visa (700 RMB, plus travel expenses, required 2 letters of introduction, official permission to apply for residence visa, photocopies of passport, work permit, and official company license to conduct business)
Go to Laishan Police department and obtain Guarantee of Social Order Responsibility for Aliens.
Get the ID card of my landlord
A copy of my lease
Go to Muping Police station for next permit... am told that I have to go back to the US.
Go to Yantai Police station and told that I don't have to go to the US, but I do have to go to Yantai Human Resources Market (presumably where they sell humans) and obtain my Employment Permit for Aliens (300 RMB, required 10 forms, all signed in triplicate and stamped with those damned official red "chops")
Go to Muping Police station and be told that my Company work permit (not to be confused with my Employment Permit) is not on nice enough paper and needs to be presented in a decorative red folder (I'm dead serious). Also told that my passport photocopy must be oriented in a landscape orientation, not portrait orientation.
Have a Chinese staff member write a letter in Chinese, declaring that I feel safe enough in my residence, and waiving my right to have the local police install surveylance cameras in my home to monitor me 24 hours per day and ensure my safety. (As it has been pointed out to me, I ruined a major opportunity to have some fun with the Chinese police by performing a naked dance ritual everyday in my living room).
Go back to the Muping Police station with 10E14 forms, 800 RMB cash, and a partridge in a pear tree. They placed it all in a manila envelope, stamped it 57 times with their official red chops, and told me to deliver it to the police station in Yantai.

Theoretically, I will be able to pick up my shiny new residence permit by next Monday... by when it will be time of course to start again for my renewal next year, if I expect to be finished collecting all of the paperwork in time.

Exit-entry organ?

2006-11-21T15:22:00.000+08:00

Guarantee of Social Order Responsibility of Aliens... one of the many, many, many forms I had to fill out in the lengthy, godless process that is obtaining a residence permit in China.

Below are some of the items I signed my name to. I am listing them for the sake of amusement and to illustrate the dire need for better English grammar education for government translators.

I am willing to take the following responsibilty:

Whoever lodges at the apartment must carry valid passport or residence certificate or other identity card.
No permit to lodge other persons at the apartment except the relatives. The relatives who are Chinese continent residents shall report to the local police station. The relatives abroad shall report to the exit-entry organ in conformity to the related regulations.
To sale or lend or rent it to other person, the host must report to the original approving organ and while to the local police station for filing.
Carefully to carry out the safety measures in accordance with the demands of the public security organ. At once to report to the related organ if finding out the hidden danger.
To refrain from conducting with the non-accommodation or non-status behavior or other illegal activites at the apartment.
Persons at the apartment take any behavior or play music or sounds shall not make so big noise that effect the work or rest of the neighbours.
Persons at apartment shall not set up communications facilities without permission.

Why?

2006-11-20T12:54:00.000+08:00

Why does my Chinese-English phrasebook have Donald Duck listed under the "Key Words" section, especially considering the book was published 7 years before Disney Hong Kong was built?

New Photos up

2006-11-20T12:52:00.000+08:00

Check out my Germany and France photos on webshots. I also put up some pics from our Halloweek Party at Alibaba.

(see sidebar for Webshots link)

Brass Monkeys

2006-11-18T18:24:00.000+08:00

I shouldn't be able to see my breath as I sit here in my office typing this.

That's all I'm sayin'...

Strange Prize

2006-11-09T13:28:00.000+08:00

My girlfriend participated in a tug-of-war competition a few days ago and won three cups of strawberry youghurt for her efforts.

I guarantee I am the first person in history to ever write or utter that sentance.